Helping my 10 year old self (Counselling)

 

On July 25, 2024 I decided to write about an important post about some things that came up during counselling.

I was asking for healing from Yeshua (Jesus) & Elohim (God) with the Gut pain and any issues that may be the root cause of it.

When I thought about that I felt that I said I feel scared all the time.  My counsellor asked what I felt when I was scared.  I said of Being Alone, Being Trapped with my emotions, being punished for being weak.

Then he asked what are the emotions that are scary to be trapped with?
I said Fear, Anxiety, Despair - Hopelessness.

He asked me what I am afraid of and I said of dying alone, and I put that feeling 8 out of 10.  Then he asked where do you feel it in your body, I said my chest.

Then he asked if there was any other fears, and I said Fear of living and not being able to handle it.
-That’s when I had an overwhelmed feeling - connected to the 10 year old – of being scared of my dad and thinking life will never get better – as I have so much fear.

Then we talked to the 10 year old and she said "Help Me" I am being hurt by Dad and another person close to me and I can't free myself – I feel constant anxiety and fear and I want to take my life because I can't feel any comfort anymore – Not even food, which was my best friend.

I say to the 10 year old, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain – I want to give you real comfort and love – instead of the extreme fear of continuing to be hurt every day.  And that you deserve love instead of anger and hate that has come upon you.

Then the 10 year old says How Do You Stop the pain I feel each day?

My counsellor asked me to say to the 10 year old – Can you accept the comfort and love I am sending you?

She says No I Don't Trust Anyone!!
- She says I want to feel like I can stand up in my own two feet, but I keep getting pushed down.

I say To the 10 year old – I know that you feel so hurt and bullied by your Dad and being used by another person and you feel trapped.

But Yeshua & Elohim want to rescue you and so do I.

I know you don't want to trust anyone – But you have to Trust someone to help you stop putting so much fear in your body – that it continues to hurt you.

Remember that what your Dad and the other person did is not your fault – and that you are not weak and disgusting – but you are Yeshua's and Elohim precious child and They do not want you to continue to feel so much pain both physically and mentally.

I say to the 10 years old that I love you and you are wanted and Yeshua & Elohim feel that too for you.

The 10 year old says Thank You for loving me and showing that Yeshua and Elohim care for me too – I say to the 10 year old that I am scared like you that the physical pain won't go away but you aren’t alone in it.

The 10 year old says if you could help with the mental pain, hopefully the physical pain will go away too.
as currently Part of me still wants to die - so the physical and mental pain can stop.

I say to the 10 year old that I am sorry you are in so much pain like me. But we have to keep trying each day and I can hold you hand and help you as I believe that Elohim will guide out of this torture that we feel and that the more we do that the more His light can shine through as we all work together to get better.

Then 10 year old says I am so scared – but I want the help to be freed of my fears of being stuck and hurt each day.

I say to the 10 year old that I can help you and to Remember you are not alone and things will get better as you let Elohim and others love you and help you to love yourself.

It's really hard when you have this chronic pain both physically and mentally coming down on you each day.  It was interesting to remember for me that back when I was 10 years old I was experiencing these same feels and physical sensations, and how connected it can be to now with struggling each day to want to be here.

It’s important to know that even in all this pain that there is a part of yourself that wants to help, and that Yeshua & Elohim are there too.  So keep trying and know you aren’t alone and that many loved ones want you here as well.

Patricia   <3   :) 

 

Philippians 4:6        Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

 

Here’s a song about feeling like a prisoner, but also feel free, and that words can bring you up and bring you down, that you only want the truth and the words be life and we only want to have it pointed to our Lord.  And He can heal the heart ache and speak over the fear, and God’s voice is the only one we need to hear.

 

“Words” by Hawk Nelson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anVweXDcxhA&list=PL3whQX319DaAclnKXItlUORyULzMr1rTi&index=2