Struggling in a Dark Dungeon with my Different Parts (Counselling)

 

Here's an important post from On April 18, 2024 when I was talking to my counsellor and I told him that I have been super struggling and not wanting to be here - but that I know I Have To Be Here and it makes me feel trapped ☹.

He reminded me that the Inner Critic can want to punish and push me to want to Take my Life
As the Inner Critic can feel like I Don't deserve to be Alive, and it makes it harder to find a safer better pathway to where our Elohim (God), as well as Yeshua (Jesus) is.

I told my counsellor that I want to Escape this life – I want to escape myself – but I can't – and that I can't turn off the immense fear of facing every day life

I tell him that I feel so scared – and I hate that I can't get myself to relax – I feel terror a lot of the time – and I'm just wishing I won't wake up some day.
But I also feel guilty about that as I know my sweet hubby and others want me here.

I told my counsellor when he asked me what it was like.

I said that it’s like I'm screaming "Help Me Lord" and I want Him so badly to get me out of this place – as I feel like this little girl – and I am trapped and haunted by a scary person or possibly enemy.
I feel this pressure and darkness come over me and I am trapped and I can't breathe and I just want out, and at times I give into the fear that it's better to be dead than to live.

I said it feel like feels like someone is torturing me in a small Dark Dungeon, which I am trapped in – and I can't get away from this painful mental state each day ☹.

My counsellor asked me to picture it again for him and see what I see.

I said that there's a Teenager that is so frustrated and extremely angry and chained up and is trying to run at this Little Girl that is crying in terror in the corner and the teenager is yelling and screaming at this Little Girl.

The Teenager says “Get Up - you stupid little girl!!!! You aren't chained up like I am!!”
The Teenager continue and said “You could run away and get help, but all you do is scream and cry and do nothing!!  - I HATE YOU SO MUCH - BECAUSE YOU COULD BE FREE - but you choose not too.”
The Teenager said “You could get me out of the dungeon and chains but you choose to Freeze instead of empowering yourself!”

My counsellor said that it’s like when before when I was a baby feeling so lost and alone and isolated in the basement, and that I’ve gotten stuck in that state of mind.

Then my counsellor said to talk to Yeshua (Jesus) and talk to the Little Girl

Yeshua says “I see how scared you are, and I understand why you are scared to do anything because you feel and experience the terror from your Teenage Self – as well as the pressure of the darkness that comes onto you, which causes you to give into your fears that I won't be able to save myself or that Angry Teenager.”

Then Yeshua says to bring all your fears to me so I can make you stronger to face life and to help you to understand that the Teenager in You is actually also scared – and it brings out the anger in her as she feels held captive by you.

Then Yeshua says that I know with all this – that Your Dad was so scary – and some ways you think if you hide yourself in the dungeon that He put you in – that you will be safer – but actually it's made Life harder when you stay in that place.

Yeshua mentioned to the Little Girl that in that Dark Dungeon You can see a window to get you out – but it's too tall for you to reach, and if you just broke the Teenagers chains then you could help each other get out.

Yeshua says to let me help both of you, by Calming your fears, to breathe in and know I am here for you both, and you have nothing to be afraid of and that I love all of you.

And to remember that there is a 3rd part of you that wants to help you love yourself and that Teenager who's fighting you. – So Yeshua said to help bring the 3 of parts and me, being the Love Part, the Angry Teenager, and the Little Girl to a safe place with me and yourself.

Yeshua said that He wants to help all of myself, so that I can accept myself, love myself and move on.

It’s really hard each day, but I know I would like to find Life so I can live instead of wanting to escape or die each day.

I feel for those that are struggling deeply like I have been in the Dark Dungeon I live in, and know that Yeshua (Jesus) and Elohim (God) wants to keep you safe so you can do more in this life not just for yourself, but Him and others.  So keep trying and find hope with His light and that He will get you there.

Patricia   <3  :)

 

John 1:5    The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

 

Here’s a song about you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you.  You ask if there’s a God who loves you, where is He now?  That there may be things that we can see that He’s bring through things for a better ending.

  That the pain you feel can’t compared to the Joy that will be coming.  Remember to hold onto the light and to press on and to fight that good fight and that pain that you are feeling is just the dark before the morning.  Even when you don’t know where you are going to remember to say a prayer and hold on.  Things may not come instantly but so it might take a little time to see the bigger picture.

  When you give all this pain and more to His Glory and more He can help those times fade a way to a memory and so that pain will fade and that joy and light you so want will come.

 

“Before the Morning”  by Josh Wilson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzQfuCC58Yk&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=200