Pearce the Heart

  Here's an important post from On April 18, 2024 when I was talking to my counsellor and I told him that I have been super struggling and not wanting to be here - but that I know I Have To Be Here and it makes me feel trapped ☹ . He reminded me that the Inner Critic can want to punish and push me to want to Take my Life As the Inner Critic can feel like I Don't deserve to be Alive, and it makes it harder to find a safer better pathway to where our Elohim (God), as well as Yeshua (Jesus) is. I told my counsellor that I want to Escape this life – I want to escape myself – but I can't – and that I can't turn off the immense fear of facing every day life I tell him that I feel so scared – and I hate that I can't get myself to relax – I feel terror a lot of the time – and I'm just wishing I won't wake up some day. But I also feel guilty about that as I know my sweet hubby and others want me here. I told my counsellor when he asked me what it was like...

On April 10, 2024 I decided to write a sweet little post about something that my hubby does for me each night since I got back from H.W. It’s about Stanley the Bear, which he is named after the children’s book I wrote and (Squishy), which is his nick name, which he is a stuffed animal that I got from my friend L. when I was at H.W. ED Program. He is so adorable, and when I was at H.W. I would sleep with him each night, as he made me feel safe when I was alone, as I could only see my hubby when he came for a visit on the weekends at the centre. I appreciated that L. gave that to me, as she wanted me to feel less alone.  And I felt like Elohim (God) knew that there were times when I would get scared and He knew I’d need that soft stuff animal to smile back at me and help me smile even when I was scared. So unexpected for me when I got home my sweet hubby decided to start doing a hide and seek for the Squishy when I got to bed.  Which he would have me try to find him some...

  On April 9, 2024 I decided to write about an important post about when I was doing an anxiety counselling group with Mercy Ministries Canada and it helped me to know that I wasn’t alone in feeling anxiety that can often show up either on a regular basis, or suddenly, which isn’t ideal, especially if you are in a place where you can’t get away from it. So the counsellor running the group reminded us about breathing and that often deep breathing can help calm your body down, as there may not be an actual physical danger, but because you mind thinks it is, it can cause your body to “freak out” when it’s often mainly in your mind. So it’s important to take a deep breath in if you can.   Here are some ideas for what to say if you are praying, Breathing in   "Be still" and Breathe Out "And know that you are God" Or   Breathe in   "I surrender" and out Breathe Out: All my fears" Or Breathe in   "In this Moment" Breathe Out: "I...

On April 4, 2024 I decided to write about an important post about of when I had a counselling session that was a more difficult topic to talk about, which we talked about a time when I was 10-13 years old off and on connected to another person that made me feel a lot of shame, and guilt. It caused me to feel alone and isolated as a child.  It made me feel helpless and that I couldn’t protect myself in that situation. My counsellor had me picture our Yeshua (Jesus) back then and I told my Yeshua how I felt. I said Oh Lord, I feel so gross, and disgusting. I feel like it's my fault that person and I played the "Marriage Game", which we pretended that we were married and used other names. I continued on and said, that I don't know why, but at the time I thought it was okay to be close with that person, because I believed that it was pretend. Then I said, that when it became more, I didn't know what to do, and so I let my alter’s selves take over so that I...