Caring for a little girl (Counselling)

 

On March 28, 2024 I decided to write about an important post about when I had counselling, and we decided to go back and talk about a memory I had when I was four with my dad.

At one point when I had been emotional and crying, he yelled at me and said "You stupid little girl" what's wrong with you, just be quiet and stop crying.

But that got me to cry even more, and even though I wanted to try to be that perfect quiet little girl dad wanted, I couldn’t seemed to be.

It made me feel bad about myself, and that I must be the problem – because I couldn't do what my dad asked me to do, which was to be perfect – so I hated myself because of that as I couldn’t stop my dad from getting mad at me, as well as I couldn’t control my emotions, which put me in a scary trapped place that I hated to be in.

Then my counsellor said to bring Yeshua (Jesus) in-between Dad and I.

Then my Yeshua tells me, “Oh my precious little girl, You Are Not Stupid, and You Are Wanted! There's nothing wrong with you".

“And yes understandably you are scared because your dad was yelling at you.
But know that He's the One in the Wrong”

Yeshua continued on to say, “I know that you were scared and wanted someone to help calm you down, but you couldn't find that in your dad, so you cried even more.

But do know that I am here to protect and show you that You Are Wanted, and you are not alone in these scary moments. Give all your fears and pains to me, so I can take them away from inside of you, which came from your Dad.”

We continued to talk about the 4 year old in me and me feeling like if I was a perfect little girl, then I wouldn't get hurt by Dad, as he would get into a rage sometimes, - and that would scare me so much, that I would cry or shake, and want to run away – but I couldn't, so I got stuck inside myself with my fears, and I would stop talking because my dad didn't want anyone to speak when he was really angry.

With my dad being dominating in that way it caused me to be scared of my emotions, as if they came out more – my dad would get upset, and my dad only wanted a calm child around him, so that it wouldn't stress him out.  Unfortunately it left me as a scared little girl who gets trapped inside herself.

So my counsellor said for me and Yeshua to talk to this scared little 4 year old inside of me.

I tell her that I am starting to learn that growing up you were a very scared little girl, and you had no proper way to express you strong emotions and fears that came up.

And I know you felt so scared and alone as you had this scary dad yelling at you and your family, and you had no where to escape to.

I tell her that I see her pain, and fears, and I acknowledge that it was a really hard time for her.
But I tell her to know this – that I am here for you now, and if you get scared inside yourself that it is okay as I will be there for you.

Then I said if the adult Patricia (Me) gets scared we can let our Yeshua (Jesus) show His love for us, and He can help us to Love ourselves too, as he said We Are Important and Precious to Him and that He can bring healing as He loves us so much❤️.

Then I said to the 4 year old inside of me "I love you so much for real!”, and I am really sorry for the pain I've caused you in the past.
Forgive me for hurting you, and putting you down so much. 

You are more brave than you realize, as you have taken on more than I could handle, so I am sorry I was going against you all those years.

I originally put you down because I thought you were weak, but actually you are really strong! And I believe that if I had worked with you – instead of against you – then I believe things would have been easier for you.

Thank you for showing me how hard things were for you, so I can have Compassion for you again, and again I said "Love you my little one.”

Then the 4 year old sayid to me and Yeshua
“Thank you Patricia and Yeshua for finally listening to me, it feels like you are hugging, and accepting me, instead of rejecting me, which for so long I've hated myself because it felt like you Patricia and Dad hated me.”

The 4 year old part of me continued to say “But I am starting to see there is Love there, from both yourself and from our Yeshua. He can be the father we always wanted growing up, as He can be our protector.  And our Yeshua is showing us how to protect ourselves too as He reminds us that we are worth loving, and worth living for.

My counsellor asked the 4 year old self what I could do for her, and she said to keep working on ourselves, as the more we do that the better we are likely to become whole and grow up like that confident, safe and loving adult we want to be.

Then I said to the 4 year old, thank you for understanding that I was struggling so much with my emotions, that I didn't let you speak up when you were hurting so much, because I was hurting so much, but I see more now that it’s important to express how things are so we don’t keep it all so much in.  So thank you for showing your vulnerable side to me and I again I say “I love you”

The 4 year old says back “I love you back❤️❤️.”, and I hear the 4 year old is relieved that I am working with her now, instead of against her.

It’s important to listen to the hurt sides of yourself with our Yeshua (Jesus) so that between all of you, you can mend that scared little person and help turn them into a brave whole person, as when you accept Yeshua’s love, you can in turn love and treat yourself better also.  I believe the more you do that, the more that intense stress you may feel against yourself, will lessen as you’ll be able to manage them better when and if it comes up.

Patricia  <3  :)

 

Jeremiah 31:3    The Lord appeared to him from far away.  I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

 

Here’s a good song about when you are struggling, and wanting to know when the ending will be, but while you are with our Yeshua (Jesus) it will be beautiful.  That when we are lost He will find us, and in the end of it all we just want to be in His loving arms. 

 

“Beautiful Endings” by Barlow Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO0lBwYCehc&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=107