Tucking in a pillow brought about unexpected caring

 

On August 27, 2023 I decided to write about an important post about when I was making my bed at my Mom's place in my old room, when I realized unintentionally that I tucked in my little Patricia Affirmation pillow that it was like I was tucking a little Patricia in, which was sweet.

It kinda hit me more than I had expected with my feelings, as I suddenly felt for the little young woman on the pillow as it looked kinda like me, which caused me to want to care for her/me❤️.

I know I don't treat myself kindly most of the time, but it was nice to see "myself" as that little Pillow that I want to take care of.

When I thought about hitting a pillow as some people would do that if they were really upset or angry, I realized that I didn’t want to do that.  Well that’s not true I actually did do it once, but I said “I’m sorry” after as I felt like I was hurting this little person/myself. 

I know that deep in me I don’t actually want to hurt myself – but because I struggle so much I used to hurt myself to release my stress, or if I was angry and mad at myself for not doing the right thing I could hurt myself as much as I wanted to and I wouldn’t care as at least I could “punish” myself to try to keep myself in-line.

Sometimes it would work and I’d try not to make as much mistakes, or be less “weak” but when you keep punishing yourself so much, there is a point where you just can’t keep up with doing the right thing, as everything seems to be the wrong thing, which was very much how it was like growing up, except I’ve made that become a lot more extreme than what was done to me when I was growing up.

So having it where I suddenly wanted to care for this little pillow with the young woman on it, showed me that I not only had a heart for others, but I actually had a heart for myself.  It’s just that I’ve become so tired and impatient with myself that I don’t give myself a chance to stand up for myself for more than a second.

It’s tough, as when I’ve been exhausted Mind, Body & Spirit, it just brings you down so much that it feels like you can’t fight for yourself anymore.  So it helps when Elohim (God) catches you off guard and shows that there is still not only love in yourself – but that Elohim’s love is still surrounding me even when I may not realize it.

So I thank You Elohim for the little things like today, and help me to let you and others in and even myself in – as you know how terrified & stressed out I constant am that takes me away from everyone as my Severe Depression & Anxiety brings me way down.

I Love You My Lord❤️ and help bring the Treatment I Need Soon - as I can't seem to get myself to where I need to be to do the Right Thing & Let My Selfish/Terrified & Scared Will Go.

And I still want to Pray Your Will Be Done & Continue to Help Bring My Will towards Yours & help me get better- so You can help me Care for myself - like I did today with the little Patricia Pillow I tucked in.  And I continue to pray for those that are struggling to care for themselves, that they are worth it not only to yourself and others, but to Elohim (God) too ❤️.

Patricia  <3  :)

 

3 John 1:2     Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.

 

Here’s a song about trying to be tough and trying to do thing by yourself, and to realize that we aren’t strong enough and that we can’t do this on our own and we can ask for our Elohim (God) to hold onto us, and that we are nothing without His love, and we ask our Savior please to keep saving us.  We ask to Him to help us stand as we fall so hard sometimes.

 

“Savior Please” by Josh Wilson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_FqKcCWM50&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=103