It was really hard, but I resisted temptation

 

On August 23, 2023 I decided to write about an important post, which I had to deal with temptation pretty strongly this time at the Food Bank I was volunteering at, I decided I wouldn't eat anything there, but then I saw these really yummy soft chocolate chip & salted caramel cookies and thought Oooh My, I was very much jonesing for it, but there wasn't enough to share, so it would have to either go to a big family, or another volunteer could take them home with them.

Well I kept thinking about it, and I even told Mom about it, and I was kept thinking – Oohhh... if only I hadn't seen them then it wouldn't be a problem for me.

So I decided to talk to my Mom about it, and knowing how I would be I would likely end up eating the whole thing to myself, sure maybe not in one sitting, but maybe in 2 or more.

I also knew that I hadn't eaten anything as of yet, and that having cookies would totally mess up me of having any chance that I might end up having supper later.

Also my gut was in sooooo much pain, there was a chance I might not be able to eat anything later anyways, but I didn't want to take a chance with the cookies as either way it wouldn’t be a good go thing in the long run.

So I felt kinda settled about that – and to give it away to a big family –but then I couldn't help thinking about them again, as I knew by the looks of them that they would be sooo soft with the really yummy chewy, chocolatey and added salted caramelyness type to it, that just makes your mouth water with anticipation for it.

I also knew it would put me in my "happy place", but it would likely only be for a moment, as it would likely take me to a dark & depressed & scary place in the end - as it generally caused me to want more of that type of stuff even stronger & it frequently dropped my mood & later make my Gut so much worse.

So I tried to do my best to resist it, but there was still part of me that wanted it.  So instead I decided to go to another fridge and see if there was other food like stuff I could get into – Yes I know not that greatest – but just thinking of the cookies caused me to be in a craving place.

So I found these yummy looking stale cookies all broken up and hard that were still there, and crazy me was actually considering having them, even though I knew it would likely be bad - but my addicted & hungry mind side PLEASE EAT ME - I NEED SOMETHING NOW!!!

I was going to take it and have it, when a fellow volunteer Y. happened to come in at that time – and she was like ohh those look hard and stale – and I was like ohh they are. – She was like ohh you should throw them out, and I did.

Then I found other food that were actually bad as they had mold on it and I threw those out too.

I even found some small sized Chocolate Cheesecake and I was thinking ooh that would be so yummy!! -like ice cream that melts in your mouth with the wonderfulness of the crumbly graham crackers – and then I saw the BB date was Dec. 2022, which was 8 months too long – so for sure a No Go!.

Then by chance I found a bag of milk that was 4 days past date and realized it could be still good for families in need, especially if they used it right away – so I quickly brought it to my Mom that was more in charge and she was able to give it away, which I felt good about.

So I realized God was very much looking out for me to not only to have someone interrupt me when I was going to do a bad food thing, but also so I could help a family in need by finding Milk that would need to be used up very soon.

I felt good about that, but then the cookies that came into the Foodbank were still calling my name, Patricia, Patricia, we "love you", so in my zombie addicted & hungry gut pain state, I put them aside.

As the afternoon went on – I was like NOO I must give it away, and so I was like Mom lets give this to a family so it's gone & just like that – it was gone :).

It was such a relief, - oh there were other desserts I wanted, but at least the most tempting intense one was gone, and when I did that, it helped make my original decision of not eating anything there helped me relaxed.

I did compromise later though of bringing home some dessert like greek yogurt, as I figured if I feel this need to grab something quick and sweet, that those would likely fill me up more better than cookies.

I am the type of person that resisting myself when I really want something, even if it later hurts in the moment or later, is actually a pretty hard thing, as I feel it's worth it, as it often improves my mood for a short time – but not always unfortunately in a long time.

So I am learning more and more that it's not always worth it - especially if it's not just affecting myself, but others around me too - as they see and experience the pain I feel when I struggle so badly later.

When I got home with my Gut was still in a lot of pain, I was so tired, and struggling mentally a lot, and not because of the cookies I didn't have, but just in general, as I couldn't seem to shake this bad state I was in.

So I decided to try to push through it, even though normally I would totally give into my bad mood and get more depressed - as I could hardly get myself to do anything to make things better.

But somehow I decided – okay if I can hardly do anything and I could see my Mom was super stressed out - the next best thing would be to ask her if I could do anything to help her.

It turned out my brother J. needed help with a job application and later getting more phone data for his phone - so though I wasn't doing the greatest – that helping my Mom out would also be really helping me too.

I could tell my Mom was quite thankful for that, as she had so many things she needed to get done before her vacation started.

At some point both of Mom and I were done and I mentioned about hoping to get a walk in before the prayer service came around – as I've noticed often going for a walk before a meal can often help my Gut pains be less and help me to be able to eat again.

I knew that also the meal I was actually trying to have that night would take time and I wasn't sure if we'd be able to make it in time before we had to leave.

On top of that my Gut pains were so painful I didn't think I'd be able to eat much of anything - as to hoping the walk would help.

But Mom felt we might have the time – so we went for our walk and talk and my gut started to relax a little bit, and then even more :).

So by the time we got back I started to feel a little hungry, and when I started to smell the butter and coconut oils from the pan, and my Mom put the supper meal of Perogies on, I was excited as I knew I wanted those the most, and I knew it was so worth working through my temptations as I had wanted this meal for more than a year - as before this my Gut stuff was too painful so I just haven't been able to have it.

In the end we had just enough time to make the Perogies meal with meatballs and ketchup and Wow it was soooo tasty, and I was so glad I waited as I got to enjoy a good meal, instead of just eating a whole bunch of cookies :).

I still had the Gut pain before and after my meal unfortunately, but considering I knew I couldn't eat for almost 2 days, I knew it was important to at least try to eat if I could as otherwise it could end up being 3 days or more.

I know getting food in when I can is important, but as my hubby would say, yes it is, but even more important is what type of foods you get in – as to knowing I shouldn’t be eating junk food or desserts first before eating a regular meal.

I know I haven't had the will power in me for a long time to fight for myself - as I normally just give into what I want or I super put myself down about doing so - so even when it seems like I'm going against myself when I said NO to myself – I actually was strangely fighting for myself today to try to do the right thing even if it's not exactly what I "think I want".

Being healthy has always been a scary thing to me and as it seemed like a lot of work to do & with having my Gut stuff for going on 4 years I was just soooooo tired I didn't have that will power to resist everything I wanted to give into.

I'm so not a person to make a thing of things of when I do well, as usually it doesn't last, or I consider them to be small accomplishments and try not to get too excited about them.

But as I told my Mom and husband about what I did today they said it was a bigger victory than I realized!- and I think that may be true 😊.

As I think part of it had to do with saying No no no no no to the enemy the other day when they were super tying to get me to give in and actually take pills – and for a second I considered it when I was feeling so tortured for way too long - but somehow saying No to such tempting things can actually save you not only from food - but your actual life!

So though it was really hard, I was able to resist temptation, and I am so thankful to Elohim (God) for helping bring people like Y. & my Mom around so I could get the help I needed even when they may not have realized how hard it had become for me, when I wanted to do the Right Thing & I couldn't stop myself, but Elohim knew and so He provided the out I needed <3.

Sometimes when you can't Stop yourself, but you know you have a problem and you want help, but you still want that thing you desire and are tempted to, you can pray to Elohim (God) to watch out for you, so that when the temptation is clearly from the enemy comes around, and if you are too weak to resist, then you can give that burden to Elohim so He can take that burden away from you, and that's what He did for me & Praise Elohim He did as it really would have made things so much worse if I had given into those temptations.

But you have to remember that there needs to be a willingness to have your will be changed by Him.

Oooh I know I won't be perfect again with temptations, and I certainly wasn't today, but having Elohim on your side really does make a difference and I've noticed that so much more recently and that was with me just trying a little bit more today.

Oooh I know the road is not easy, and often it may not be fun, as I feel like I've been run over a billion times - but remember as I said in my last post He's a gazillion times stronger than the enemy and can help us in so many ways, so He can always bring you back from where you were or are now.

So I don't like that state I've been in these 4 years, but I love that He's still protecting me after all these years, and is helping me somehow get to the Victory side of Real Freedom someday.

I know my Mom always prays for me and she knows though He has let me go to the edge of the cliff many times, but Thankfully the Lord has never let me fall over.

So though I may have almost fallen over the cliff too many times to count, I never actually fallen over, and so though I am barley crawling right now, as I am too weak to get up fully just yet, at least I now know I have a safety net with Elohim (God) - so if I got pushed over the cliff I wouldn't fall far as my Elohim would catch me like He did today, and I didn't even need to say anything for Him to know what I needed from him – which is so amazing <3.

He really does know each of our hearts, as well as who we will become, so let him Love on you, so that He can help you even when you don't think you can be helped.

And yes I for sure know not every battle is going to be won, especially with temptations you think "you love", but the each little one you do, will eventually win you that battle you so desperately wanted to win.

So don't give up – and put your trust in the Lord & He will keep you safe.

I wrote this whole post listening to the song “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)” – by Hillsong United as oh is it ever encouraging you when you are struggling and need help, as it always speaks to me and helps me focus on what’s important – my Yeshua (Jesus) & Elohim (God)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GGFb6LcX3U&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=45

 

Patricia  <3   :)

 

1 Corinthians 10:13    No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

 

Here’s a good song about when you are struggling and you need to know that Elohim (God) to near by that He is, He was, and He always will be, meaning that He’ll always be here to get us through those tough times, and that in every fear, doubt, and tears He’s there, and we praise Him for that <3.

 

“He Is” by Mark Schultz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6dEm7SGxPM&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=102