Pearce the Heart

  I decided to write an important post on August 31, 2023 of what went on that day.   So I decided I'd take an Uber with Mom to the Airport since Mom is going away for a couple weeks, and I felt like since she's done soooo much for me, and I've connected with her so much more over these past 3 months that I wanted to say by at the airport.  It was so good that the disconnection I used to have with her, was a lot less strong, which is great 😃 . But that also meant I was going to really miss her, because not only is she gone until Sept.11, which is the day I go into H.W., it means I won't see Mom for awhile, plus after going to the program for 4 months, I’ll be going back with my hubby and not my mom. So not having it where I see Mom each day will make me sad, as to deciding to go with Mom in an Uber, so I could say goodbye to her at the airport, so for sure will miss her ❤️ . I really had a good time coming home from the airport and having fun and being Excited ab...

  On August 30, 2023 I decided to write about an important post about how my mood had been pretty bad as it seemed with over doing it with the food yesterday, which took a toll on my mind. I was able to get myself to volunteer with the Foodbank that my Mom volunteered at, but I have to admit that it was still quite difficult at the beginning - but being distracted and working on organizing everything there helped me. I was thinking that not seeing the people I got close to at the Foodbank as well as the Church both because I’m going to H.W. ED program, but also because I won’t be in the same city when I come back, as I’ll be back with my hubby again and we don’t get out to the city all that often. So that is going to be hard, as I've gotten attached to them. But that just means that the visits to the Church and Foodbanks would be more meaningful. At on point when I got home, my mental & gut state was so brutal - I couldn't keep it in and I just cried in physical ...

  This important post is about what went on both August 28& 29, 2023 in regards to in-patient ED Program I was trying to get into. On August 28, 2023 I decided to check in with both the city Hospital and also H.W. ED in-patient Programs to see where I was at with my applications. At first both of them weren't sure when they would get back to me, when suddenly I got two phone calls back to back from both of them. I heard that the cancelation for an assessment with the city ED program was available so that I could get that done tomorrow online with one of the psychiatrists   - which if I got accepted I would likely get into the in-patient program likely within the next month. Then I got a phone call that I was accepted with H.W. in-patient ED Program - so I knew they would also be within the month also - but still wanted to know more about the program and see if there was an OHIP bed available so I also had a phone call with H.W. ED Prog. the next day right after the...

  On August 27, 2023 I decided to write about an important post about when I was making my bed at my Mom's place in my old room, when I realized unintentionally that I tucked in my little Patricia Affirmation pillow that it was like I was tucking a little Patricia in, which was sweet. It kinda hit me more than I had expected with my feelings, as I suddenly felt for the little young woman on the pillow as it looked kinda like me, which caused me to want to care for her/me ❤️ . I know I don't treat myself kindly most of the time, but it was nice to see "myself" as that little Pillow that I want to take care of. When I thought about hitting a pillow as some people would do that if they were really upset or angry, I realized that I didn’t want to do that.   Well that’s not true I actually did do it once, but I said “I’m sorry” after as I felt like I was hurting this little person/myself.   I know that deep in me I don’t actually want to hurt myself – but because...

  On August 23, 2023 I decided to write about an important post, which I had to deal with temptation pretty strongly this time at the Food Bank I was volunteering at, I decided I wouldn't eat anything there, but then I saw these really yummy soft chocolate chip & salted caramel cookies and thought Oooh My, I was very much jonesing for it, but there wasn't enough to share, so it would have to either go to a big family, or another volunteer could take them home with them. Well I kept thinking about it, and I even told Mom about it, and I was kept thinking – Oohhh... if only I hadn't seen them then it wouldn't be a problem for me. So I decided to talk to my Mom about it, and knowing how I would be I would likely end up eating the whole thing to myself, sure maybe not in one sitting, but maybe in 2 or more. I also knew that I hadn't eaten anything as of yet, and that having cookies would totally mess up me of having any chance that I might end up having supper...