Angry enough to want to do something

 

I decided to write an important post about how angry I got when I got a phone call back from my Family Doctor on July 28, 2023 letting me know that apparently my application for the ED Program at St.Joes. was rejected because my BMI was too low, as they can only do people that are 16 BMI and more.

I was lower than what they could handle as before I was close to 14.1, which wasn’t my lowest, as I was actually much lower BMI beforehand when my health was really bad, but I won’t say what it was as it was scary low, anyways as I was saying I was trending up more lately, and I mentioned my weight, and that my BMI was 15.8.

And because I ate so much overnight my weight was higher in the morning. So with that update, Dr.Tim made my weight be a little more as a "fudge factor" hehe to help with trying to get me in.

So all that anger I had from before of when I had another hospital program that wouldn't admit me right away unless I was a BMI of 15 or lower, which I got much lower later on when my Gut pains were at my worst, and at that time back in 2019 I was a BMI of 16 and I was considered not "bad enough" or low enough for an urgent admittance.  I could feel all this frustration going on as I was finally willing to go to an ED program – hoping they would be able to not only help my ED – but hopefully my Gut Issues too – I was understandably angry that I had to either lose weight to get into a program – or try to force myself to gain weight – when my body won’t let me.

So with all that frustration and anger it got me looking for ED places again.  With things gotten so bad I knew I needed to be monitored by an in-patient program to help me as I just couldn’t fix myself and I needed a big help from Elohim (God) with this.

So I think God let my hunger go crazy again over night so one my weight would be higher to say to my doctor - but also to get me “Angry enough to want to do something.”

And showing how bad things have gotten with my ED/Food addictions stuff the past while. 

I think Elohim let me get angry enough to want to look elsewhere – which by chance got me to talk to Britany who made a difference for me today.

In the meantime I had my Family Doctor do a referral to a city in-patient hospital ED Program.

So I found one that was a private location B.W.H.S. and I talked to a receptionist named Brittany, which I talk about below.

This lady really made a difference and REALLY MADE MY DAY  😃😃😃  ❤️❤️❤️  as she let me talk and say my story about my ED/Life journey all these years -as we were on the phone for almost 2 hrs.

She said that it was the longest conversation she's had when working on the phone, which would normally only take 5-10 min. to talk about the program and that's with her knowing I couldn't afford her program.

I found out at the very end of the conversation how much it would be for the whole program. So I thanked My Elohim (God) ❤️❤️❤️❤️ for this today - as I just needed someone I could vent to about how hard things daily are and how much I am struggling to be here each day and with the ED getting so much worse - and really wanting help - but being so angry that it either costs too much - or takes too long to get help with an ED.

 

The thing that was so sweet of her to say after I finished talking about my ED/Gut story and then some is that she said "I am so resilient for all that I've gone through" and I was like I don't know, but she also said to me to promise her I'll never give up – I said that is hard for me to accept, but I slowly said Okay.

  Then she said at the end of the conversation "I hope I don't talk to you again." And I said I hope I do, but recovered.

 

She said she liked that, to possibly someday be listening and hearing me in a life I actually want.  I said with ED circles being so small there's a chance we may meet someday in person, which would be cool.

 

I said I don't know if she'll remember me down the road, But I said I will – in my digital diary I wrote a note that Brittany made a difference for me today ❤️ and I mentioned that to her.

 

That's when she said oh I won't forget you - that's when she mentioned this being the longest conversation she's done at work with someone calling in.

 

As my Mom said - I really make impressions on people - I wasn't super trying too, but she did the same for me.

 

So thank you Elohim again for all of this ❤️❤️❤️❤️ and I pray this will be a Real Recovery pathway you have for again with my ED, and especially for me to deal with what I need to get better Mentally & Spiritually too.

 

I found out the program at B.W.H.S. was a 7 week in-patient program – but it would cost $88,350 for the whole program - room, food, monitoring, after care, Medical staff, psych., etc.  I did appreciate that she took the time to talk about the program even after I talked for 2 hr.  Though I won’t be going to this program, it’s good to know there were a few other options for me that she mentioned to me after I got off the phone.

 

It's ridiculous though and -It gets me angry that people are struggling so badly often have to either wait 1-2 yrs. for a government. ED in-patient program to help - or spend more than a fortune with private ones to get in much quicker.

 

So either you might have a chance of passing away because the wait is too long - or might not be able to pay off the debit to try to get better quickly. It really is so sad - you shouldn’t have to make that choice when it comes to getting better.

 

But I still believe that Elohim (God) will get me where I need to get to, and I think that’s why he let me get angry today – so that I would stand up for myself and try to find the help I needed to get.  So those that are in need of extra help – don’t give up as if you are fighting for yourself Elohim can fight with you.

 

Patricia  <3   :)

 

Ephesians 4:29   Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

 

 

Here’s a song about when you are struggling so much, that you don’t want to be here, but pain is all you feel, but you still give it to Elohim (God), even when you don’t understand, and you said that I will trust you.

 

“I Will Trust In You” by Steven Curtis Chapman

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfMU7Pkc2b4&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=91