Pearce the Heart

On July 31, and August 1, 2023 I decided to write an important post on about how I continue to intensely struggle so much daily with making it through each day.   I know some foods can affect the mind, but it's more than that - it's the whole not having the will power/restraint to say No to myself - when I need to. I don't know how to switch that when I'm so depressed and struggling - that I just do what "seems to make me feel better" even for the short time - but in the end at times don’t help. I prayed - Oh my Elohim - I struggle so badly because of myself & I have no one else to blame.  I tend to keep giving into myself as I don't see a way out of it/it seems like too much work. – How to stop all this when I have been Brainwashed & Programed to do the wrong things. Lord I need You to somehow Reach Me & Help Me with You, to Take out the Virus & Bad Stuff in Me - so that I can be Deprogrammed of all that stuff & then Programed ...

  I decided to write an important post about how angry I got when I got a phone call back from my Family Doctor on July 28, 2023 letting me know that apparently my application for the ED Program at St.Joes. was rejected because my BMI was too low, as they can only do people that are 16 BMI and more. I was lower than what they could handle as before I was close to 14.1, which wasn’t my lowest, as I was actually much lower BMI beforehand when my health was really bad, but I won’t say what it was as it was scary low, anyways as I was saying I was trending up more lately,  and I mentioned my weight, and that my BMI was 15.8. And because I ate so much overnight my weight was higher in the morning. So with that update, Dr.Tim made my weight be a little more as a "fudge factor" hehe to help with trying to get me in. So all that anger I had from before of when I had another hospital program that wouldn't admit me right away unless I was a BMI of 15 or lower, which I got muc...

  Unfortunately I’ve had an on going Super Struggling Mentally as I’ve mentioned before, which is really hard when it comes a daily occurrence of darkness.   I decided to go for a walk with my Mom as that often helps my mood. I decided to write an important post on July 27, 2023, as I was focusing on the darkness that seem to always comes to me each day, and my Mom and Elohim (God) was saying to me "Look Up & Around Daily to God’s Beauty instead of Looking Down at the Darkness. I know that Elohim is always there, and Mom was trying to remind me that if I try hard enough I can find that beauty and love that I need all around me through Him and Nature and Life.   That I don’t have too stay in my “poopiness”.   That when I keep looking down I stop seeing the amazingness, holiness, beauty & Strength of Elohim - as He's right there even when I don't realize it That you just need to look up and He'll dance with you, like the Sun, like the Butterflies - like ...

  I decided to write about July 22, 2023 as an important post, as a bunch went on.   So I knew originally when my Mom asked me if I wanted to go to her Church Picnic that I had wanted to go as I wasn't sure if I had been to a picnic before and if so it would have been a really long time.  Either way I knew that it had been a quite a long time since I had been to one, at least an official one - as I'm sure I probably have done unofficial ones with my Mom when I was little. So as I was saying I wanted to go to my Mom's Church's picnic, as I was still staying with her, and because it had been the Church I had gone to for a long time off and on. But there was a few other possibilities that came up that could cause me to go or not to go. I could go - and have my sister visit me after (which could be a quite busy day for me - which can be stressful - not knowing how I'll be mentally & physically.) I could go - and not see my sister after I could go to the pi...