Paralyzed

 


On June 1, 2023 I decided to write an important post on about when I realized for myself it's really scary when it comes to trying to Live and Choose this Life as I don't know what that is, as I've lived with my ED, food obsessions, other types of obsessions and escaping in different ways for most of my whole life and it’s what made the type of decisions I decide to make because of it – which may or may not be a good or bad thing for me.

And I realized when I wanted to stop those things that I cling to so much that it Paralyzed & Trapped me.  It explains why I would want to hold onto them so much as I don't know what to do or who I am without them. – And yet I know I need to get past those things to get better and find my life again both with my hubby and myself.

There is also this terror that comes on when I am plagued with indecision as to what to do next, which makes me feel so lost and frozen.  It's crazy how Life can be so paralyzing when you don't know what to do with it.

But My hubby reminded me about yes focusing on a Purpose is great and all, but when it's stressing you out so much to the extreme it's not helpful in the moment.

Though not impossible – for the most part huge change doesn't normally happen overnight or in a moment, especially if you aren't open to it. – So though I know I really want to get rid of all my obsessions, ED, destructive ways, etc. - Trying to take everything away and not giving myself a safety net or a soft landing to fall into isn't the greatest of ideas.

As it's actually caused me to freak out and feel Paralyzed even more as I end up being in a state of Shock as it's like there is nothing I can easily grab onto to keep me safe. – And it's like you are suddenly thrown into Outer Space where it's so dark, and you are lost with no one around you, and that you are spinning out of control, and you have a limited time left of oxygen in your space suit.

Then you are suddenly desperately trying to figure out how to get to safety somehow, but your fear is paralyzing you from doing that.

So instead of focusing on the end result, what you need to do is focus on what you can do in the moment.  So you take a breath and think to yourself what do I actually Need to do right now – as my hubby said to me.

So as you calm yourself down you can focus on what that next important thing to do is – so you can properly think and get to safety quicker. – With that it helps remind me while being suddenly in Outer Space that there is a Communication Button with my ship, and if I press it – it will help me get the ship to come and find me and bring me to safety – and then I can go from there.

So it's really good to want to desperately be on that other side of safety and freedom – but you still need to take some cautious steps before that. – So I may not be able to give up the things I am holding onto instantly, but it’s still important to have the intent of wanting to let those things go and work towards that – so that it can help you deal with that Block that freezes you when things unexpectedly come up.

So listening and actually accepting Elohim (God), your loved ones, and other people’s help in a loving and also constructive way is important to help keep you safe and on your way back to where you need to go.

Patricia  <3   :)

 

Psalm 46:1–3    God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

 

Here’s a good song about a prayer in the desert when all within me feels dry, and a prayer in my hunger and need that our Elohim (God) will provide and will sing and bring praises to Him and that He is there in our Battle and He is the one that will bring the victory we need. 

 

“Desert Song” by Hillsong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3l1z7bXY9Y&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=78

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