Talking through the Jail Cell terrified Inner Child State (Regular + Counselling)

 

On May 28, 2023 I decided to write an important post on a day before I had my counselling.  I had a lot of Extreme Mental Struggle that day as unfortunately this is becoming an on going issue for me.

That day I was thinking about being constantly stuck in the Freeze state of fear.  I can't/I don't know how to do/Handle anything state.

I am terrified of doing anything outside my comfort zone - so I end up doing nothing - which keeps me trapped & paralyzed – and that badly happened to me on May 28, 2023 & May 29, 2023 and it seems like I can't get beyond this.

I get stuck with being terrified of everyday life even in just making food choices and sometimes having things suddenly change with that – and then having it where I suddenly feel hunger and feeling like I have no self-control.  This gets me to where I really struggle to make decisions/move on in my life.

It's like my Whole World has Collapse in on me and – this causes me to Hate myself so much as I have somehow put myself in this horrible Beyond Trapped State & I really struggle to see a way out of it – which unfortunately it can at times make me want to take my life so badly ☹.

The crappy part to that is that I frequently keep Rejecting myself and Any Help I can get/accept – which Terrifies me even more and makes me feel Really Bad as I know I need this help – but something in me just doesn’t know how to fully let go and let myself and others in to help the way I need to be helped.

I know I Desperately Need to find my Fight again and some how deal and conquer this Extreme Fear I have in me – Not just for me – But for my husband also. 

It’s not ideal that I am Constantly in an anxious state and I am even so scared of myself.

The bad thing is that I seem to respond more to hurting/punishing myself to get "better/stop things" then trying to encourage myself.  It feels like I am stuck in a loop that repeats over and over and doesn’t switch to something better.

So when May 29, 2023 came around after having all these thoughts and struggles the day before I ended up having a Massive Panic Attack that day – which thankfully my most loving husband calmed me down and help remind me of the core of my Fears – that when I get really scared in this Paralyzed/Stuck place – that I have nothing to Fear – as my dad isn't here anymore.

I do know that and I know before he passed on that I had a better relationship with him – but because those fears never completely resolved – they stay in me – and I’ve become worse than my dad when getting after and even at times hurting myself – so it makes sense why I would still be so scared – as I constantly am walking on eggshells with myself – like I was when I was growing up at home with my dad.

Later on May 29, 2023 I had my Actual Counselling appointment.

We talked again about the last post of “Selfish/Obsessive/Dark Prison State for my (Counselling)” on  May 23, 2023 connected to the - trapped & paralyzed stuck state prison  state that was also going on currently that I mentioned above.

And to ask Elohim to help me to move on and to help me to get towards a healing State & Believe that He can do anything possible, and He can help me get to that freedom place from all the struggles that hold me back.

So my counsellor said to picture the Jail cell and picture Yeshua (Jesus) being there with me in this terrified/paralyzed state that I am in.
So I said To My Yeshua
“Oh my Yeshua - I can't breathe - I can't seem to handle Anything outside my ED/Food World - and I have only been trying to do anything that gives me comfort so I can handle things better.”
“But suddenly when I have to change what I need to have to eat/our meals and I am trying to do better with Giving up my ED - Everything has closed in on Me.”
“All I can think of is food, planning, knowing I need to eat it, and at times not being able to handle the hunger.”
“I can't seem to turn off my terror connected to all of this & I don't know how to Let that Go.”
“I feel beyond out of Control - as I can't seem to handle any changes in my life.”
“It does give me comfort to stay in my Routine, as it's what I can handle and I know what things I can do in that routine and comfort zone – But it's also cuts me off from Life and being able to Do Anything – as My Comfort Routine Zone – has become more Suffocating & Smaller & Smaller so that I often won't let myself Do Barley Anything – Which at times has put me in this horrible Terrified State.”

I knew it was important just to get that out to My Yeshua as He can listen without judgement and see the pains and struggles that I am going through – which can be a comfort to me as He’s like a counsellor that’s there 24/7 and is open to whatever I have to say – the good and the bad and everything in between.

My counsellor said when trying To help myself – to Take Control and talk to myself and to the scared Inner Child that is so afraid like a Counsellor would.
Say something to the Inner Child like – "I acknowledge You want things a Certain Way, and that You want Massive Control, You want Food, You want Only Comfort, etc. – as I see that you have so much Fear with those things and more – so I understand why you do those things – but it’s something you can’t do forever and that I, Elohim and others can help you get to that safe place you need to live and grow up.”

I know that having more empathy for that inner child is important – But that doesn't mean I have to Give into to those Fears/Wants/Desires every time they ask for it.  I know accepting that is hard – but that I am also trying to do better to change things so that my inner child, other parts of me and I can Handle things more in this life. – So that fears don't have to be so intense when things suddenly come up or change.

It’s important to find a balance to Help you through with those hard times by standing up for yourself and also having Comfort & Love not just from others – but yourself too <3.

There may also be a chance that uncleaned sprits may be making things worse to how you already feel – so to be aware of that and to not listen to the destructive things they have to say.

Often we are so much stronger than we even realize – as we and Elohim (God) are the only ones truly to know how hard life has been for each of us – so to remember to not be so hard on ourselves and see that each day we are here shows us that we are fighting more than we realize – which we just need to let Elohim help us fight so we don’t have to use up all our energy fighting alone <3.

Patricia   <3  :)

 

Proverbs 3:25-26   Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.

 

Here’s a song about seeing and believing and seek our Lord in this life, who is so holy, and we can only praise Him, and see His Love and Mercy for us, that we can’t help but sing and praise Hosanna.

 

“Hosanna” by Hillsong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhZtC_Vs10M&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=75