Chocolate Brownie Birthday Cake Disaster

 

On May 18, 2023 I decided to write an important post on making Mom's 70th Birthday Celebration Chocolate Brownie Cake🎂.

The Brownie Cake part seemed good going into the oven, but it kept not being done after it suggested it would take 20 minutes, so I added 15 more minutes, but it seemed to keep giving me trouble that way.

The thing you have to know with this cake is that before the brownie cake is totally done you need to simmer the Fudge/Icing part - so that it's ready to pour smoothly over the Brownie part of the cake.

But because the Brownie cake kept not being done, the fudge part turned to mush & at one point it got so dried out that it looked crumbly and old.

I was hoping maybe the icing would melt when it was on the hot brownie cake part - but it wasn't - so I realized - it was a Chocolate Brownie Birthday Cake Disaster.

Sometimes some cake disasters can me salvageable but this wasn’t one of them – and also I didn't want my family to be eating something that wasn’t good.

When I realized the cake didn't turn out.  I decided to try it - I could tell the Brownie cake part was burnt in some parts - yet kinda under done in others & and the icing one top that I tried to spread on it was crumbly.

But because my hunger/Gut has been feeling not as bad recently with the Betaine pills I’ve been taking.  I couldn't stop myself from eating more than a little bite - as there was still a Super Yummy Sweetly Chocolate/Fudgeness left in it that I happened to love – even with it being a disaster cake.

So with that I couldn't stop myself from over eating a bunch of it.

It's like I finally won the Lottery - as my Gut was finally doing more better at times and we seem to have gotten more answers to that after all these years.

It seems to some degree with my Gut problems that I needed more Stomach acid to help with digesting my food better which I have a lot of trouble with.

So I finally got what I wanted - to not have excruciating pain when I eat and to finally feel hungry so I can eat – it felt like I won the Lottery for a moment.

And then like Winning the Lottery & not knowing what to do with it - I ended up completely losing control - as since I’ve desperately needed food for so long - I wasn’t able to stop myself.

Here I've been talking about trying to get out of my darkness in my previous post "So Much Deep Darkness" on May 16, 2023 - trying to do better - yet I couldn't control or know what to do with my hunger.

It really terrified me.  It really paralysed me – as I think about food and planning about it so much.  I'm still struggling a lot with working through my internal dark fears as well as being hungry or not and what to do with that.  I also have huge amounts of fears about control, and so much more.  It's something I hope to do better with, but sometimes you slip here and there or more while trying to go forward.

Anyways back to what I was saying – because I don't eat regularly -I "love" food/crave it so much that it really takes over my life.

The "Love" for the food is likely more about it makes me Feel Better.  It makes sense that I Crave the Food I "Love" that much more.

So since I had wanted this cake for years and it didn’t turn out - I thought what's the harm in having a little bit of it since I couldn't give it to my family and it was going to be thrown out anyways.

Though the Brownie Fudgey Birthday Cake was quite messed up and off in places - there was still enough of that incredible Chocolatey Yummy Brownie & Fudgey Cake Taste I Love and have been Craving it for years it pushed me over the edge for myself to eating too much of it.

It really caught me off guard, as I had planned on only having a bite.

I've often noticed that though it's so yummy and may make me feel better for a moment.

Later I frequently reap the consequences of it bringing me down both Physically and Mentally a lot.

It can be such a blessing and a curse to get what you want instead of what you actually need, which I think a lot of people who win the lottery likely feel when they don't know what to do with so much money - as it becomes more of a liability then an incredible gift. So often instead  they spend it quickly, or they just feel this need to give it away.

So I know this Betaine pill isn't the cure all, as sure it seems to help me sometimes to eat, but not every time, as I still have so much Mental stress and issues that hold my Gut and myself back.

So I still have things to work through and think about, and it’s also expected during this journey  to have some slip ups here and there while trying to go forward.

So I know Making my Mom's 70th Birthday Celebration Chocolate Brownie Cake🎂 was awful on so many levels for me, but I'm hoping it's something I'll be able to laugh at down the road of what a funny mess I made of myself – like in so many ways a little kid would hehe.

But I can tell my Elohim (God) is likely just trying to teach me how to do things in moderation, which I struggle with as I tend to be an all or nothing person.

I know letting go is important in general for getting better – but I know Elohim is also trying to show me that you need to stand up for yourself – too take a moment and step away and think about how things may affect you and possibly others later on and go from there.

On a side note my hubby and I ended up buying 3 small store bought cakes after, which worked out well as it gave everyone at the celebration a variety of cakes to try, instead of what would have been 1 large cake of one flavour if it had turned out.  So somethings things work out “wrong” so it can work out right after.

Life isn’t perfect, and mistakes are made, but it’s what we do with it after that matters.  So keep trying, as Elohim is there to catch you and help you stand back up on your feet again.

Patricia  <3  :)

 

Ephesians 5:15-17     Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

 

Here’s a song about how Elohim (God) loves us so much, and how beautiful He see us, and in everything we do He will always love us <3.

 

“How He Loves” by David Crowder Band

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDSE438XMaQ&list=PL3whQX319DaAclnKXItlUORyULzMr1rTi&index=8