Pearce the Heart

  I had been really struggling for sometime mentally more and more intensely.   I have to admit that I’m more of a person that tends to complain and talk about all the stress, anxieties, depression, obsessions, etc. instead of doing much about it. Part might be because that’s the whole woman tend to like to talk, but the other part of it is, that I find it difficult to do much more about what’s going on, when I’ve been in such a struggle mentally and physically for quite some time. Anyways on May 30, 2023 I decided to write an important post about when I was intensely struggling mentally of not wanting to be here.   It really was even more brutal than what I was already feeling, which is saying something. I really was so extremely on edge of feeling like I'm done with life.   I felt that to my core of being so depressed that I didn’t have the energy/motivation to want to try to get better when I saw this huge mountain of work ahead of me. As well as feeling ext...

  On May 28, 2023 I decided to write an important post on a day before I had my counselling.   I had a lot of Extreme Mental Struggle that day as unfortunately this is becoming an on going issue for me. That day I was thinking about being constantly stuck in the Freeze state of fear.   I can't/I don't know how to do/Handle anything state. I am terrified of doing anything outside my comfort zone - so I end up doing nothing - which keeps me trapped & paralyzed – and that badly happened to me on May 28, 2023 & May 29, 2023 and it seems like I can't get beyond this. I get stuck with being terrified of everyday life even in just making food choices and sometimes having things suddenly change with that – and then having it where I suddenly feel hunger and feeling like I have no self-control.   This gets me to where I really struggle to make decisions/move on in my life. It's like my Whole World has Collapse in on me and – this causes me to Hate myself so mu...

  On May 23, 2023 I decided to write an important post, and I had my counselling session and I started off talking about my food obsessions and dark state. I've noticed sometimes after I get a good amount of food in, that I can sometimes feel this automatic Tingly sensations in my head - that tends to drop my mood really deeply - and it often gets me into this dark place of - feeling trapped of - is this ever going to end - I don't want to be here. I find it is super difficult for me to get myself to do much of anything in this dark mental struggle – and if I can – it's often my own obsessive stuff that I think and do. I'll spend 12-24hrs of thinking and obsessing about food and other things etc. – it will consume my thoughts – I’ll be in a complete daze – as it completely distracts me. Often in my obsessive state I will worry about what if I make a wrong decision about food or otherwise.   I know that Making a Decision can Relax me for a second. – and I’ll be a...

  On May 18, 2023 I decided to write an important post on making Mom's 70th Birthday Celebration Chocolate Brownie Cake 🎂 . The Brownie Cake part seemed good going into the oven, but it kept not being done after it suggested it would take 20 minutes, so I added 15 more minutes, but it seemed to keep giving me trouble that way. The thing you have to know with this cake is that before the brownie cake is totally done you need to simmer the Fudge/Icing part - so that it's ready to pour smoothly over the Brownie part of the cake. But because the Brownie cake kept not being done, the fudge part turned to mush & at one point it got so dried out that it looked crumbly and old. I was hoping maybe the icing would melt when it was on the hot brownie cake part - but it wasn't - so I realized - it was a Chocolate Brownie Birthday Cake Disaster. Sometimes some cake disasters can me salvageable but this wasn’t one of them – and also I didn't want my family to be eati...

  I decided to write an important post about My Gut pains and Mental State had been pretty Brutal the past few days, I did have some reprieve here and there, but it was still pretty strong. Anyways after my hubby and I had Supper on May 16, 2023, I noticed my Gut was in Pretty Brutal Gut pain, and I was struggling somewhat Mentally. We had ordered pills that we were hoping to help my Gut came to the house called, which was called Betaine. It's supposed to help with adding stomach acid, which helps with digestion, which can help the Gut helping you relax.   Anyways my hubby and I hoped for it to possibly give us some answers as to what's been going on with my Gut all these years. So I noticed as I was mentioning my Gut was in Pretty Brutal Gut pain, and I was struggling somewhat Mentally before taking the pills. At first it seemed like my Gut & Mind were turning even more intense after I took The 1st dose of Betaine. But I noticed a couple hours later that my ...