Pearce the Heart

I had a video appointment with a new GI doctor in our area on Mar. 28, 2023, as my hubby and I were polling at straws trying to figure out my gut issues after so long, so we hoped having someone with fresh eyes would help us to possibly get more answers as to what to do or what’s going on. The GI doctor listened to my husband and I talk about all the different symptoms, treatments, pains, and struggles that I’ve gone through all these years. I was honest about still having my anorexia in the background, as well as struggling a lot mentally and those things likely being a part of that, but we felt that there are other factors going that are likely causing my gut pains. So as he looked through all the medical investigations I’ve had done, and adding to what I mentioned about the symptoms I have had and he said that I have Functional Dyspepsia , which is that your GI tract isn't working properly, as well as he said I had IBS with it. Functional Dyspepsia and IBS is chosen as a...

  I unexpectedly found out on the evening of Thu. Mar. 23, 2023 that my Regular Meat Bibbles, which is what my hubby and I would call our Meatballs 😉 that I always have, which were the PC Italian Chicken Meatballs, were no where to be found in the stores we went to.   That made me quite anxious, as they seemed to stop making that product. For me that was truly awful as I use it for my main source of meat, and when you don’t eat a lot of variety of things, you tend to cling to what you can have, as there aren’t a lot of options out there to have. Not being able to suddenly buy my Meat Bibbles put me in such a Mental State of Shock 😲 .   I was freaking out, so much so, that I couldn't focus on anything else, as for the loss of it, and suddenly needing to figure out what to do about it. I really don’t do well with sudden change, as I’m so frequently in a fearful state that I tend to freeze when something comes on, instead of taking on the challenge straight on. Wh...

  I wrote about my counselling session on Mar. 22, 2023. Often as a child you don’t realize until you are older how difficult things were, as it’s all you know, and I can say that my childhood wasn’t the easiest one, Though I also do know there were good times with my family, but I do remember being the most happy when I was outside, and also with my friends. When my counsellor and I were talking about my mental struggles, and me feeling this constant stress inside of me, both in my body and my mind and how it pushes me to have this “I don’t want to be here feeling”. He asked me “ Is there ever a time in my life as a child I felt this.?” And I had to admit that I had this as a teenager.   I think this is when I started to really realize what was going on at home. That being constantly on eggshells for so many years finally had it’s impact on me, and I wanted to rebel against it, but I couldn’t seem to fight back against the person who was being so controlling and a...

  On the evening of Sun. Mar. 19, 2023 my hubby said that no matter what, whether I change or not, he'll always love me ❤️❤️ and that it's not just about him wanting me to change for him or otherwise, as he always wants me to be me ❤️ , but that if things weren't to change connected to my Gut Stuff, and how badly I struggle mentally with my Anxiety & Depression, which causes me to struggle to be here, I might not be here some day 😞 .  I broke down, my body shaked, and I cried, as I really got what he was saying 🥺 .  My ED, obsessions, and destructive ways are the ones that control me so badly, and my hubby said those are things to help me see that they need to change. They are things that have too much control over my life, which I agree and I don't know how to go against them. But I do know in the end I want to get past them, so some day I can truly get my life back, and I asked My Elohim (God) to walk with me and help me get there someday ❤️ . I said...

  I decided to write about March 16-17, 2023.   My husband and I had a helpful chat recently about how him and I have been struggling to see my gut pains symptoms continuing to get worse, as it’s difficult for him and I to just see myself wasting away more and more again, and not to be able to do much about it. With my gut pains being around these past 3 ½ years, my weight has gone up and down when it came to the severity of it. Though I haven’t fully gotten better during these 3 ½ years, there were times when, though there was still pain, there was a little respite, so that I got healthy enough that I could even run for a short time. But with this happening for the third time with it going much more down hill yet again, and my gut and mental stuff getting a lot worse again.   It’s been scarry at times to see myself back in this more precarious situation again. What’s been going on from an outsiders perspective might look I’m “pretending” to have this gut pain so I ...

  I decided to write about March 13, 2023.   I’ve struggled a lot mentally, as I’ve mentioned many times, and that often life obstacles and traumatic events and memories can frequently cause a person to do things that they might not normally end up doing. Obsession, control, addiction, and other destructive behaviours can often all go hand in hand with those difficult times. The scary thing at times is that the enemy can attach itself to a traumatic time – even if the event and time wasn’t the person’s fault as there was still sin through the person hurting them. My counsellor was reminding me when a person is being haunted by their memories, or/and harassed by the enemy by it – the need to escape can become a common theme when life has become so difficult. This can often cause a person to make a “prison/box” in their mind, which I was talking about before. My counsellor also mentioned that often the enemy can torment you through your monsters/issues when you are hel...