Shield of Love (Counselling)

 

I decided to write about Feb. 27, 2023.  I was having another counselling session and it really made an impact on me.  I often feel alone in my struggles, and though I knew that there were underlining deeper core issues that were a part of that, I couldn’t seem to figure out exactly what that was on my own.

I continued to talk about feeling out of control, even though I try to control everything in my life.  This time my counsellor decided to go back to a past memory that was difficult for me.  He explained that God is of all time, past, present and future, so fixing those memories could happen at any time and he was going to have Yeshua (Jesus) be a part of that.

I had never thought about that in that way, as I always felt if things are in the past; even when it comes to talking about it, that it couldn’t be fix.

So I thought, well there is no harm in trying this idea, worse case nothing changes.

So my counsellor and I prayed that Elohim (God) would guide us to what we needed to hear and see, and Elohim would show us how Yeshua (Jesus) would work through things with that.

So I cleared my mind, and thought of someone in my life that was often very controlling, authoritative, mean, scary, and yelled at me and others a lot.

When my counsellor had me go back to that memory of that person.  I felt really small, uncomfortable and crouched in a corner.  Then he asked me what if I put Yeshua in the middle of you two like a shield.  What do you think Yeshua would say to that person?

I took a moment to breathe and imagined Yeshua standing there and I felt that Yeshua was saying to that person “No you aren't going to hurt her”.

I felt like for the first time I had someone who was actually protecting me, as I so frequently try to do this all by myself all the time, but I can’t seem to protect myself properly, so I hide myself away instead.

My counsellor asked me how all of this made me feel?  I said that it made me feel loved, protected and good.  It helped me see that Yeshua was there to be a Shield of Love for me.  He was protecting me even when I didn’t realize it, and realizing He was there for me helped me to want to be more open to working through my pain, as I wouldn’t be alone.

My counsellor asked me what those times felt like when I didn’t imagine Yeshua being there.  I said that I felt like no one cared, and that I was worthless.  I felt trapped, pressured and like  couldn’t breathe, which made me not want to be here anymore.

I really disliked this person back then, as that person was so mean, which made me not ever want to be like them, as I saw how much it affected and hurt others out there, as well as myself. 

Becoming that person was the worst thing I could imagine for myself, which at times made me dislike myself even more if I did.

When I listened to Elohim, He reminded me, as Yeshua was talking to me, that I was nothing like that person, at least when they were mean.  And that often there was something behind that behaviour, which brought it up in them, to act a certain way.

So my counsellor then helped me to start to see things in a different light again. 

He said go back to one of those memories and imagine not only Yeshua being there, but also seeing that there may have been outside influences, past hardships, as well as possibly the enemy, that may have been causing this person to act worse than they may have meant to be.

As I did that I saw the whole scene play out as to what was actually going on.  I felt Yeshua’s shield of love as He was near me.  I could see the enemy was also there, trying to not only trip me up, but that person too, and as Yeshua reached out to that person;

I felt that person say to me – that he didn't mean to be that way, and that he was so sorry “my little girl”.

Normally hearing “little girl” always stung as often this person would say it in a way that made me feel bad and less of myself.  But when I heard that person apologize in that way, it touched my heart.

It helped me see in this person’s heart of hearts that he didn’t actually want to hurt me.  He just didn’t know how to respond to difficult situations, as he was struggling with his own emotions and only knew how to respond in anger.

All this caused me to tear up and cry, as that’s all I wanted, was for this person to show his love for me, like Elohim and Yeshua were showing me.

Elohim was showing me, disliking the meanness in a person was okay, like when that person said “little girl” in a not nice way, that it was a behaviour, and not necessarily the person that you disliked.

This helped me to soften and to imagine the person saying something more sweetly to me like “my little girl”.

It’s so subtle, yet what a difference it can make, when you can see the person saying it in love instead of meanness.

For those that are out there that have had past hurtful memories with someone, or current ones; know that Yeshua and Elohim are there for you with Their shield of love to protect you and open your eyes to what’s really going on.

Remember that you aren’t alone, and that His love is ever present.  You just have to look to Elohim, so He can guide you through not just the past hurts, but with current struggles and even good times.  The more you let Him in, the easier it will be for Him to help you.

Patricia  <3   :)

 

Psalm 5:11-12 NLT      But let all who take refuge in You rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread Your protection over them, that all who love Your name may be filled with joy. 

For You bless the godly, O Lord; You surround them with your shield of love.

 

Here’s a song about that the Lord is here and working in this place and we worship Him, He is a Way Maker, Miracle Worker and a Light in the Darkness.

 

“Way Maker” by Leeland

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA1JN6J_buE&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=40