Parts of Yourself (Counselling)

 

I decided to write about February 21 & 23, 2023.  I just recently started counselling and my counsellor gave me the idea that every part of you has a purpose, this would even include the "negative" parts of you, or as some may perceive the “bad parts” of you.

Being negative towards yourself such as being critical, angry, depressed, as well as destructive behaviours such as an eating disorder, self-harm, obsessiveness, hatefulness, etc. are all parts of you.
They aren’t necessarily bad - more just a part of you that you felt you needed to get through things.

I had never thought about that before, as I felt all those things I’ve mention above are all “bad” parts of me that I want to get rid of.  I don’t know how this exactly works as I just started this type of counselling; But I think it’s about talking and listening to the different parts in yourself in compassion as to why they do what they do, and how they feel. 

I think it’s about bringing the parts together and helping them realize that they have a voice and are not alone.

My automatic when I feel a certain way, is to try to stuff it down, ignore it, or get more frustrated and anger about it.  I hadn’t thought about that, hey maybe that critical voice that I am so frequently hearing is just trying to get my attention.  It’s like a little child that wants to be seen and heard.  I realized that the critical voice is actually just scared and wants to protect me in the best way that it knows how to.

When you grow up being controlled, then it makes sense that you would put that on yourself.  So you might tell yourself – “you can’t do this”, it may come from the scared part of you that’s trying to protect you from making another mistake.  So it might be trying to get you to stop doing things so that you won’t get “hurt”.

I know there was another thing I saw in myself recently that showed me I had a problem, which was obsessiveness.  I’ve mentioned in the past that I was obsessive about doing that with food, which I already knew, but I noticed it in a different way recently.

My young niece came over and we were playing with the markers she had.  I was at first focused on her and having fun with her as she wrote out her numbers.

But as we tried to figure out what each markers flavour’s smell was, I felt I really needed to know what the last one was, which she was writing with.  I knew I couldn’t just take it from her and smell it, but as I waited for her to finished with the marker and writing out her numbers, I stressed so much about it.

Then even more “crazy” when I was putting the markers away, I ended up feeling this need to have it put back in a certain colour order.  I know that doesn’t seem too “crazy” but if I didn’t have it in the perfect colour order, I felt like I would never feel settled in myself.  I couldn’t just put it away, because I looked at it and it bothered me, and I told myself my mind would dwell on it “forever” if I didn’t put it away “accurately”.

Of course in reality I’d be fine, as the world wouldn’t end if I just put it away, or if I didn’t end up smelling that last marker smell, but there was, as I said before, a lot of fear in that obsessiveness.

I think it was like the critical voice in me again, that’s feeling like that little child again, that’s been controlled for so long.  That it thinks, if I just do everything perfectly, and get what I want, then I will be okay, and I won’t get hurt.

But the thing that part doesn’t realize, as it continues to obsess so much, that if it just relaxed and continued to focus on the niece, and the good time they were having, that they would actually be okay.

I know for sure that’s easier said than done, especially if you have other life difficulties, and parts of you that are stressing you out, but it’s just a good reminder to tell that part of yourself, that I hear you that want to do everything perfectly, but if you don’t, life will continue on.

I think having the encouraging parts of you likely can help the ones that struggle, as you can listen to them, as they help remind you that not all is bleak all the time.  That being happy can be okay. 

I know being happy and joyful can be a great thing, but I also know it can be, as I said again, a scary thing.  As sometimes if you believe it’s only going to be temporary, then you might imagine it’s better to be stuck in this negative place, as it’s what you know.

It's kinda crazy how I can write all about this, and thinking about it, but in practice it really is so hard to do, and currently I can tell you I’m not doing a great job at it, but then again that’s part of the reason why I’ve decided to get some help with counselling. 

So I applaud everyone that keeps trying and getting through life, as it’s so not an easy thing to do.

There is just so much fear, and anxiety in each of us, and society.  There’s this need to force yourself to be a certain way, so that it doesn’t offend others, or you feel this need to compose yourself and say nothing to other people, so you don’t get hurt by them.  I’m not saying that you should suddenly blurt out or do everything you think of in your mind, as it could hurt someone or yourself.

But I get why it can be such a struggle to figure out what parts or that voice in you head to listen to, when they can have such conflicting ideas.

I think that’s why listening to Elohim’s (God’s) voice is important, as He can help remind you that you aren’t alone in all this.  He can help guide you and help you to see that there are times when listening and talking to that scared voice in you, instead of ignoring it, or getting angry at it, can be helpful. 

And that also seeing and listening to that critical voice in you, is likely more about pushing yourself to do better, which when you listen to it from that perspective, there is a less need to struggle against it, which can help you relax, as you likely want to do better too.

So even though it may not seem like it, each part of us has a purpose, but I think as we understand those parts more, it will help us struggle less within ourselves.

Patricia   <3   :)

 

Psalm 85:8    I will listen to what God the Lord says; He promises peace to His people, His faithful servants – but let them not turn to folly.

 

Here’s another good song and to the point to Blessed the Lord and Worship His Holy Name, as He’s Rich in Love and Favour.

 

“10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwIT8JjddM&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=39