Noise

 

On October 14, 2022 my hubby and I always have our movie night date night in on Fridays, as it’s the end of the week for my hubby for work.  We like to start off the weekend enjoying each other’s company as we try to relax from the stress of the week with a movie.

We can’t guarantee that it will always be that way, but this movie was one of those movies.

The movie we watched was called “Tall Girl 2”.  It was a funny, good time, cute high school movie, which made it a good date night movie for us, which we very much needed, as we've been super stressed a lot lately about all the moving stuff.

But there was also something from the Tall Girl 2 movie that I could relate to, as the main character Jody started to have a lot of self doubt and negative self-talk about herself about getting the lead role for the school play.

To help get herself over it, the panic attacks, and that negative voice in her head, she told herself it's just noise, and that helped her to not let it control her.  She spoke louder to herself how good she is, and that she can do it, and ignored the negative one.

Wow could I ever relate to this, and did I ever need to hear this.  I thanked my Elohim (God) for reminding me of this while I watched this movie today, as I had been wanting to watch it for sometime, but we hadn’t gotten around to it.  It often is all about His timing when we need to see or hear something.

It truly is a massive struggle having is very destructive voice in your head that is constantly bringing you down.  When I was younger, it always seemed to be there, but there was another part of me that could balance it enough with the joy of being outside where I felt freedom, and hanging out with my friends at school and in my neighbourhood.

Home was very stressful, but I had a mother that would try to counteract that with her humour and love, and my siblings tried to do that as well in their own ways.  Unfortunately as much as I tried to ignore that negative voice it built more and more as the years went on.

It became so chronic that I stopped trying to fight it, and actually embraced it, and I used that “fight” to my “advantage” by using and putting all my energy into self-destructive behaviours to get through life.  For the most part it worked, as the voice wasn’t so loud, since I agreed with it, and I felt that I could carry on alright this way.

Of course that could only last for so long, before the self-destructive behaviours become too much, as it becomes it’s own addiction of wanting to feel better through the pain.  But I knew I needed to give that up when someone so loving came into my life, which was my hubby.

He was my complete sunshine and love every time I saw and thought of him.  He really had the key to my heart.  He never put my down and only lifted me up.  I know that Elohim was showing His love through my hubby to me, as I hadn’t met anyone else like him.

The only thing was that when I started to try to stop those self-destructive behaviours, that very hurtful voice came back with a vengeance.  Often I didn’t have to even say anything bad to myself, as I could feel it in my body, heart, and sub-conscience thoughts without me thinking anything it was that strong.

It had become a daily thing for me to have a panic attack everyday, frequently each morning, about how I was going to get through today, especially these past 3 years and more with my gut issues really affecting my mind and body.

It’s really run me down, that I couldn’t seem to fight back against this bully in my head and body that’s a gazillion sizes bigger than me.  That’s when this movie that Elohim helped me see reminded me that it’s Just Noise.

Oh I know, other people and certainly myself would say “It’s not Just Noise!!”, but it is, just extremely loud noise.  I know I know, I’ve heard it before that you just have to ignore it, and to some degree it works, but not forever.  I would know, as I am the queen of distraction, I am in a constant state of distraction trying to get away from life.

So what I say to people that are like me, that maybe you can’t completely ignore that very destructive voice all the time, but want to, to start trying to speak louder to it, that you are good, that you can do it, that you are worth it.

When you also start letting Elohim’s voice and other loving people’s voices in your head, including yourself, then those things I just said can start to pierce through that black heart and bring that light back into it with that loving truth you need.

So I’m praying for myself as well as others out there that some day we will rise above our own destructive voice, and lifestyle, so we can leave it behind, and embrace ourselves and the true person we and Elohim has always wanted us to be.

Patricia  <3  :)

 

Hebrews 2:1    We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away.

 

 

Here’s a song about when you need a Hero to save our life – just in time – and you need to fight another day and make a stand – and as you keep doing that against the enemy and more towards  Elohim (God) He can help you get there <3.

 

“Hero” by Skillet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGRvc4vy0LQ&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=26