The First Christmas Without a Loved One

 

On December 25, 2016 I was thinking about this Christmas was the first one that I celebrated with my family without my dad there.  I had been thinking about that on and off during early December.  I didn’t know how it would be as this was a first for me and my family.  I was thinking of some of my extended family as they lost their mother this year, my Nanny (grandmother).  At the same time, I had a close friend of mine who also lost a loved one this year.  I knew we would be going through the same thing, which caused me to pray for each of them.

As my hubby and I drove to my brother’s place for Christmas we listened to Christmas music in the car.  I found that helped me as I always enjoy the songs being played.  I knew that the way my dad was he could add a bit to the stress of having family all together, but I had a feeling I’d still miss him.  When we got to my brother’s place I was glad to see everyone as we generally only get together as a family once a year.

I found that everyone was in a good mood and it wasn’t stressful at all, which was great, but I found I still had this sadness inside of me.  I continued to press through it as I was happy to see everyone.  I got to see another first, which was seeing my nephew walk for the first time in person.  I had seen it on video, but in person it was so much more amazing.  After that, we sat down as a family to eat a lovely dinner.  There were 9 of us, which was the same number as last year, but last year my other brother couldn’t come, so it was appropriate that the number would be the same as he could come this year.

We then went into the living room, and my brother hosting his house this year read the story of Christ being born.  He had been doing this the past few years and I found that I enjoyed hearing about our Saviour being born.  When that was finished, he suggested that we honour my dad this Christmas by each of us sharing a memory of him. 

Of the people that did share a memory, they ranged from asking my dad for his blessing to marry me, to phone calls on a birthday or holiday, to trying to hide gifts from the children on Christmas, to learning about how my dad cared in his own way.  I found this help take away some of my sadness as it helped us acknowledge how my dad had an effect on all of us.

The rest of the evening we opened presents, ate desserts, washed dishes and went for a walk.  I was also glad I got to have a little time to talk to my sister during the walk.  As we learn to be a new family again I can see God working through us all in little ways, from a child walking for the first time, to a family member offering to help with the dishes to other family member playing with the little child.  It helps me see that we are going to be alright.

I hope for those that are celebrating this season know that they are loved by God and many others.

Patricia <3 J

Matthew 11:28-30   Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

 

Here’s a song about it’s okay to not be okay.  That this place with our Lord is a safe place, and not to be ashamed, as there is still hope here.  And no matter what you’ve done everyone is welcomed in His arms.  Remember to let go, and let His love and arms wrap around you and hold you close to Him.  And remember to breathe in your heartbreak and exhale it out.

 And let the sprit of Him break down the walls you put up, and reconcile your heart with His.

 

“Exhale” by Plumb

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQcJjDcST1A&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=167