People Pleasers

 

On September 3, 2016 I was thinking I have been a people pleaser for my whole life.  I’ve always had this sense that I want to make things easier for those around me.  I think a part of that is my caring nature.  When someone I know wants to go to a restaurant, I tend to go with what the other person wants.  One, because often they really want to go somewhere, and two, I haven’t been to a lot of restaurants, which makes it harder for me to bring up suggestions.

I find for the most part catering towards others works for me, but I do know that there are times when it can become too much.  I think people pleasers can often learn at a young age that when they make another person happy it can often defuse a tense situation.  When I was little I found that if I didn’t make too much noise then I would feel safer.  Often some of my siblings would play too loudly which would get them into trouble.  I knew even then that I didn’t want that to happen to me.

As I continued in that mentality I ended up stuffing down my emotions and my opinions, so that at one point when I became older I couldn’t make decisions for myself overly well.  When I had a friend ask where I wanted to hang out, I would ask what she wanted to do.  Often she would say what she wanted and I would go with that.  At someone point a closer friend saw that I was only trying to please her and asked what I actually wanted to do.  I couldn’t give her an answer as I didn’t really know.

I think it’s great for people pleasers to care about others and put others first, but there comes a point when the people pleaser has to put themselves first.  This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about recognizing that you have to look out for yourself before you help others.  It’s like when you are on a plane and the flight attendant tells you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on another person.  If you don’t, you will pass out before you can help anyone else.

This is something that I am working on myself.  I don’t think all people pleasers feel this way, but I know part of me looks towards others first because I don’t think too highly of myself.  When I let others make decisions for me, then I don’t need to actually know who I am.  I get to let others define who I am.  The problem with that is when it comes time to decide what I want to do with my life and to try to figure out what my values are, then I become lost.

I think in those times I start to realize that the only way I’m really going to be able to find out who I am is when I let God be the one who speaks His truth into me.  He’ll let me know how important and precious I am to Him, which in turn will let me realize that I am an important person.  I think when I started to see that more in myself, I felt that I could give my own opinions to others more.

The awesome thing is that if you are starting to try to be more open about what you believe, God will always be waiting and willing to listen.  If you can handle that, then the next thing to try is to talk to friends and family.  I think it’s important to be true to yourself first before you start taking other opinions as your own. 

I admit this is something that I struggle with a lot, but it’s something I do want to do regularly in my life.  I don’t think being a people pleaser is a bad thing all the time as they can often offset hot situations, but when it goes against what you believe in then that’s when sticking up for yourself is important.

Patricia <3 J

1 John 3:2    Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is.

 

Here’s a song about everyone is saying to let go of the things you are holding onto, but to know that what they might not know, is that you aren’t alone.  So remember to not be afraid of the giants in your way, and with God all things are possible.  So step into the fight, as He’s right there by you side.  That miracles can happen and mountains can start moving, with Him.                                                           And ask and believe and you are going to see the hand of God in every little thing.

 

“Giants Fall” by Francesca Battistelli

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttSNOoCknIM&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=150