Sudden Loss

 

I was thinking on July 25, 2016 when you lose someone suddenly, it comes as a complete shock.  It’s even harder when it is someone that you love and care about.  People that have had pets would understand that when their pet dies it is almost unbearable.  Even though they aren’t a person, they are still like a part of the family.  I find in some ways having a pet go missing is even harder as you don’t have the closure of knowing if your pet passed on or if it is lost somewhere in the world.

I mentioned in an earlier post that my cat had gone missing, and to this day I still don’t know where she ended up.  I cried for her, and eventually I felt that she likely had died, but I know that she will always be in my heart.

When it comes to losing a family member it becomes a lot harder.  I decided to take these past two weeks off from writing my blog as I lost someone close to me.  I can tell you that this one hit me way harder than I ever expected.  When my Nanny (grandmother) passed away in January it was the first time I had lost someone.  It was hard, but because I hardly saw her as she didn’t live close to me, I found it didn’t take me too long to mourn her.  Also she was in her 100^th year so it was an expected loss.

When someone is taken from you without any notice, without any time to say goodbye, without being able to say I love you for the last time it hits you like a ton of bricks.  I know some people that have gotten angry at that person for not taking better care of themselves, while others will blame themselves for not connecting with that person enough before they died.  I’ve known someone that kept themselves busy so that they didn’t have to fully acknowledge the loved one they just loss.

I also know those that can’t stop crying because they feel their emotions so strongly.  With all that, there is no right or wrong way to mourn the death of someone close to you.  Everyone grieves differently, and it’s important to acknowledge that fact within yourself as then you can allow yourself to mourn in your own way.

The family member I lost at the beginning of July was my dad.  It started off as a regular day.  I woke up with my husband, had breakfast, and then went and did my morning volunteering.  I came back home afterwards, ate some lunch and watch a TV show with my hubby.  I was reading a book as I often do when we suddenly got a phone call late in the afternoon.  Nathan picked it up and I knew from the expression from his face it was not good news.  I never imagined what he was going to tell me next.  He heard from my mom on the phone that my dad had died in a tragic accident. 

I was in complete shock!!... I couldn’t even finish my chapter I was reading.  I kept telling myself this couldn’t be true.  My dad was in great shape for his age.  I just couldn’t believe it.  My mom asked us to come over to her house as the police were there and wanted to talk to us.  We drove over as quickly as we could.  As the police confirmed that it was indeed my father that had died I couldn’t stop shaking.  They had his ID and he was the only one that was in the accident, so they knew it was him.  I started to cry, because we never got to see him before he died. 

I do have to admit that there was still a part of me that didn’t completely believe it was my dad as I gave an excuse that they didn’t have his glasses in his belongings.  As the days went by and we still hadn’t seen him, there was a part of me that thought maybe he was just missing or got lost somewhere outside the city.  Finally, five days later after he died we got to see him in person and that’s when I couldn’t lie to myself anymore that it wasn’t my dad.   I balled my eyes out and had to use a lot of Kleenex, which is something, as I hardly ever use Kleenex.  It was fortunate that he hardly looked like he had been in an accident, besides a few cuts and bruises.

After a week we had his funeral and that was hard saying goodbye to my dad for the last time.  I knew he wasn’t really there, but I still told him I loved him.  I found I was in such a daze that whole week.  There were times when I couldn’t stop crying, while other times I could laugh and be happy.  I had such a huge range of emotions going through me.  I found that I more often cried when I told someone that I was close to, that my dad had passed away.  One thing that was common with everyone’s reaction was shock, as one day he was there and the next day he wasn’t. 

I found what has helped me through these past few weeks was the support of my family and friends.  The condolence cards and encouraging words and prayers really helped.  I found the person that helped me the most was my husband.  He had gone through this same process a few years before I did, so he completely understood what I was going through.  Whenever I needed to talk or not talk, he was there for me.  He would hold me and let me cry as much as I needed to.

I also knew God was with me and my family.  Even though this has been very hard for my family I found that He’s given us the strength and peace to get through this tragic time.  I know I’ll never forgot my dad and I’m really glad he got to read my post about him a few weeks before he died so I know he knew I loved him.

Patricia <3 J

 

Psalm 73:26     My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

 

Here’s a song about that in those trouble times even when it feels like mountains so high that we’ll trust in our Lord.  That whatever may come our way that we won’t be shaken.  He has heard each of our prayers, and He’s held us in our weakness as He is always there.  That we will want to surrender all and we sent our mind all on Him and we won’t be moved.

 

“We Won't Be Shaken” by Building 429

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJlthz67V0Y&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=144