Feeling God’s Presence

On March 14, 2016 I was thinking about a Friday evening past I was making supper and I suddenly felt God’s presence with me.  It felt like God was showing me the person I could be.  I told myself that ‘I’m tired of being tired, I’m tired of letting myself get triggered by things.’  ‘I’m tired of letting my past dictate my future.’  ‘I’m just plain tired of being the person that I am now.’  While I was saying these things to myself I felt for a moment that God was showing me the type of person I could become. 

I saw a confident woman, one who didn’t let her past issues get her down, who didn’t get so scared by so many things.  I saw a woman who was genuinely happy with her life, and even happy with herself.  I even saw a woman that was able to talk and help other people that had hard pasts like herself.  I thought to myself I could be that woman if I let God guide me in this life.  I often put myself down and don’t see myself as much of a person, but God decided to show me a different person, the one He sees in me, and that excited me.

At the same time there was a part of me that was hesitant at this new found happiness.  I thought to myself ‘what if it’s only a temporary thing?’  I felt that if it was, then I couldn’t handle that and I would rather stay in my negative state.  The only thing about that idea is that then I wouldn’t go anywhere else than where I am now in my life. 

 God decided to show up to me again the next day when I went for a run with my husband.

 Normally when I run with my husband I might talk a little bit, but the rest of the time I don’t so I can conserve my energy for the rest of my run.  This time I had the energy to talk for most of the run and not be out of breath.  It was like there was myself, my husband, and God all running together on our run on Saturday.  God helped answer some questions I had about myself, by making things more clear in my mind.

 One thing I knew to be true is that I was very much doing a ‘poor me’ syndrome.  I admit I didn’t show that to the people around me, but I did when I was by myself.  When a negative thought would come in my head I would dwell on it and repeat it over and over and it would become a mantra for me.  Sure I had some legitimate reasons to think, oh if only my life was better, but than I started to realize – wait – I don’t have to keep staying in this dark place.  Sure, things weren’t always great in the past, but I always have the choice to get out of the hole and reach for the light.  I felt God was showing me this during the run, which was so amazing. 

 I felt He was even showing me that I was still thinking like a young child, and that even at times my body was thinking and behaving as a child.   Often I realized I even reacted to situations as a young child.  Sometimes when I felt overwhelmed I would want to run away or hide.  I have actually done that since I was married, even as much as hiding in our closet.  I did eventually come out of the closet after talking to a close friend on the phone, but don’t you worry I was laughing by the end of it and was still attracted to my husband the same way as before ;).  If you didn’t catch that, I was making a joke in the last sentence.

 I think God was trying to show me that things may not always happen when I want them to as I may not be ready for them.  If I’m still acting and feeling as a child in some situations, then really I wouldn’t be capable for more than where I’m at.  That helped me relax as He was saying to me that when I am ready He will let somethings I want in my heart to come into my life.

 We always have the choice to react negatively or positively to a situation or thought.  I know it is not easy to choose the positive if you are used to the negative, but it is possible, especially when you have God on your side.  He can help you see the truth of your perspective.

 Patricia <3 J

 

Psalm 63:8     My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

 

 Here’s a song about when we are praying and not see things happening, and that though there are many reason to be afraid, but there can be miracles when you believe, and though our hope may be frail it’s hard to kill.  It is amazing how much we can achieve when we believe in our Lord and what He can do for us, and to keep believing in through our fears, as He will be there for us.

 

“When You Believe” by Whitney Houston & Mariah Carey

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knlWef-7slc&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=123