Pearce the Heart

  I was thinking on March 28, 2016 that I find that throughout the years from childhood to adulthood friendships change.   I remember before I started Elementary School the majority of my friends were from my neighbourhood.   Often all I had to do was walk down my street and there would be a few of my friends outside playing on their lawns.   The world seemed so big back then.   Anything outside of my area seemed like it was on the other side of the world. When school started I had a few friends I knew from my area, which I had become close to.   That made it easier to start school as I didn’t feel like I was alone there.   With having classes five days a week it almost felt like camp as everyone got to hang out with each other for eight hours of the day.   I found when I was in the younger grades I wanted to be friends with everyone as I wanted everyone to like me. Eventually as I got into the middle of Elementary School I started having main...

I decided to write about my 1 year of recovery of my ED anorexia on March 19, 2016.  It’s amazing how quickly a year can go by.  I can hardly believe that I decided to break my scale a year ago on March 19, 2015.  I had the support of my husband as I took my scale down to the garbage area in our building and broke it with a hammer.  It was not an easy thing for me to do, but as I did it I was telling myself that the scale and my Eating Disorder didn’t have control over me anymore. Since that day it hasn’t been an easy road.  Saying goodbye to my ED anorexia after 17 years and accepting recovery into my life was one of the hardest things I have done in my life up until then.  The ED felt like a part of me, even a friend.  I knew deep down though that wasn’t true, as it was a symptom of the pain I was going through in my life.  When you have had something in your life for a long time it doesn’t usually automatically stop – it takes time to resolve...

On March 14, 2016 I was thinking about a Friday evening past I was making supper and I suddenly felt God’s presence with me.  It felt like God was showing me the person I could be.  I told myself that ‘I’m tired of being tired, I’m tired of letting myself get triggered by things.’  ‘I’m tired of letting my past dictate my future.’  ‘I’m just plain tired of being the person that I am now.’  While I was saying these things to myself I felt for a moment that God was showing me the type of person I could become.  I saw a confident woman, one who didn’t let her past issues get her down, who didn’t get so scared by so many things.  I saw a woman who was genuinely happy with her life, and even happy with herself.  I even saw a woman that was able to talk and help other people that had hard pasts like herself.  I thought to myself I could be that woman if I let God guide me in this life.  I often put myself down and don’t see myself as much of...

  On March 7, 2016 I was thinking that skating is one of my favourite winter sports.   I do admit that I often only do it about once a year, but I really love every minute of it.   I remember as a young girl I took skating lessons – it was so fun being able to play games on the ice and learning how to skate.   Our instructor always made it exciting to be there.   I also remember watching Kurt Browning and Elvis Stojko growing up and wow, they were so amazing.   The tricks they could do were incredible.   I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV the whole performance as I was mesmerized by what they could do. At one point I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get my once a year skate in this year and this got me down.   I really wanted to go with my husband as I thought it’d be fun for us as a couple.   The days went by and we didn’t seem to be able to figure out a day to go.   I ended up feeling down for a short time as I thought my hus...