A Test of Faith

 


On February 7, 2016 I was thinking that sometimes God tests our faith to make us stronger.  I had recently been feeling a little overwhelmed in life.  At first I thought I was coping ok, but I realized later that I wasn’t.  I had started to fall back into old behaviours.  I find when I feel like I need to keep everything to myself then I often feel the need to control things more.  That can sometimes bring back up my eating-disordered thinking.

I had recently started a job at this new bakery shop.  At first I thought I wasn’t going to be getting that many hours, but a week later the store hours were a little later, which meant I would be working a little longer each shift.  My mood was still off at that point and I thought the extra hours would make me feel better, but it didn’t.

Even though I have been in recovery of my ED since March last year I do find it still comes into my mind at times when I feel stressed.  With the store being open a bit later that meant it would be impeding on my supper time meal.  My husband and I always like to eat meals together when we can.  With my shifts becoming later I realized eating with my husband likely wouldn’t be possible on those days.

I had the option of when I was working to either eat there or to eat after I got home.  Since I was feeling overwhelmed in general I thought of a third option.  That was not eating at work and then telling my husband I already ate at work when I got home.  I knew that would be a lie, but I thought well at least I’d be coping better with letting myself fast.

At this point my ED mind was trying to take over again, and part of me wanted to let it.  I thought I’m feeling down anyways I might as well do something about it.  My ED was trying to take advantage of a situation and the possibility of not eating at work got it excited.

While all that was going on, the reality was that I wasn’t relying on God or anyone else to help me with my stress.  I had even been avoiding talking to my husband as I had started to look at situations with worst case scenarios.  Eventually when a situation did come up and it turned out to not be anywhere close to the worst-case scenario I had anticipated it actually became a positive thing.   I realized then that God had been testing me.

I think God wanted me to see that He was watching out for me even when I didn’t realize it.  I feel God wanted to also give me the option to choose to be strong. I have sometimes given up on myself or taken the easy road with things in the past.  This time I realized that I didn’t have to do that.  I ended up telling my husband about what I had been thinking about doing connected to my meals at work this coming week.  He was glad I told him about it.

With talking to my husband I realized that even though I had the temptation to not eat at work or at home that didn’t mean I had to choose that option.  I always have options when making a decision and I decided that I wasn’t going to listen to my ED and I’d eat at work if I had the time and if not I’d eat after work.  It doesn’t seem like much, but with God letting an old temptation in my life it showed me that it’ll make me stronger for the next time.  Sometimes what may seem like a negative situation at the time, can really build you up afterwards.

Patricia <3   :)


James 1:2-4    Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

 

Here’s a good song about when you called on our Lord that He answered us and our hope in our soul increased and as we lift our eyes to our God as He’s the one that can heal our hearts and gives us peace.  He is more then the words we could ever say and He is our Lord over all our days.  And even through those more difficult seasons, we will fix our eyes only on Him.  He’s the one that took away our shame and sin that we had, and we only want Him and we worship our Lord through everything.

 

“You Are More” by Hillsong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2jjgKVdqFw&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=118

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