What anxiety can be like

 

On January 5, 2016 I was thinking most people have experienced some form of anxiety in their lives.  This can come from speaking in front of a room full of people, performing a solo at a concert, writing an exam, etc.

For some people a little bit of anxious energy can motivate them to stay on top of their work, or cause a person to run faster.  For others a little bit of anxious energy can turn into full blown anxiety.

I find that for the most part as of late my anxiety has been less, but for most of my life that was not the case.  Being called on in class for an answer was awful, especially if it was unexpected.  My automatic reaction would be to stare blankly like an animal caught in the middle of the night who got spooked.  My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest as it was pounding so hard.  I thought everyone could hear it.  At some point my brain reminded me to speak again and I would either say “I don’t know” or if I did know the answer I would say it very quietly.  Then after that the teacher would go onto someone else and I felt like I could breathe again.

I think the part that triggers anxiety is the unknown of what is going to happen, or in making a mistake.  When you let fear control you, you let it make your decisions in life.  I know I have done this many times.  I had avoided parties, jobs, people, places because I didn’t think I could handle my anxiety when stress came up.  I felt because I could not predict exactly what was going to happen, or who I could talk to, or how I could leave a place, I would often stay at home. 

People that are anxious often think the worst possible thing in the world is going to happen, especially if they let the fear overwhelm them.  It’s like you can see from afar that there is a dam and there is a large amount of built-up water behind it and suddenly it breaks.  That’s when it feels like the anxiety has consumed you and for some it can cause a panic attack.

I have experienced a panic attack and it is very scary.  You feel like you can’t catch your breath and that you are going to have a heart attack.  Often your thoughts are going too fast that you can’t keep up with them.   While that is going on you can also be shaking all over.  Your vision is blurry and you can’t seem to focus on anything and at times it can cause you to be dizzy.

I find if I’m by myself what helps me to get out of one is to try to focus on a song in my head, or hold onto something like a pet or stuffed animal.  Reaching out to God also helps as I found if I relaxed even a little bit, often I was able to hear His voice.  If someone else was with me I found when the person held my hand, spoke calmly to me and tried to distract me it helped.

I know since meeting my husband my anxiety has gone down.  I think in taking a risk and trusting him with my love and feelings it has helped me to over time let go of some of my fears.  I think by my husband marrying me it told me he loved me for me and everything that came with that.  I slowly realized that no matter what I did whether it was a mistake or otherwise he’d always love me and in that I could relax and let go little by little more of my anxiety.

Patricia <3 J

 

2 Timothy 1:7    For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

 

Here’s a song about that there is no treasure or otherwise that could draw us away from our Lord’s heart, and that our saviour is the only face and one that we seek forever more.  We are humbled by His majesty and the thing me know is that we find all we need in His unending love.

 

“Unending Love” by Hillsong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hcisdw_p9Xk&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=113