Thursday November 5, 2015 (1st blog post)

 

On Thursday November 5, 2015 since the weather had been so incredibly warm this first week of November I wanted to try to run a bit more.  My husband and I had noticed that my running times have gotten slower – we think it might have something to do with the weather being cooler.

 I decided I’d go for a run after my hubby got to his work.  I have found that over the past few weeks with weighing myself daily my weight had gone up a few pounds more then I’d like and it seemed I was battling with my Eating Disorder a lot more than I had been in awhile.  I have been in recovery from my ED since sometime in March 2015, yet I do occasionally fall back into it, or feel like I want to embrace it again, which I know deep down isn’t a good idea.

 I had a few reasons why I wanted to go for the run; one, to figure out if the cold weather was causing me to be more tired during my runs, which would cause me to run slower.  The second reason was due to my weight being a bit higher more recently, I had the need to do something about it.  The last reason was that I quite like running in warm sunny weather.

 There was a big part of me that felt like I needed to hide this run today from my husband. Yet I knew that it was my ED inside of me trying to get me to hide it from him.  I knew if I went down that road of ‘hiding exercise’ or otherwise from my husband the ED would take a hold of me again, and I knew I didn’t want that deep down.

 I texted my husband to let him know that I was going to go for a run a little later in the morning in a balmy 15 degrees C.  I had already had my shake at breakfast and decided to have 4 buckeyes – a snack that’s like Reese’s peanut butter cups but look like puff cookies.  Then I went for my 5km run in the park.

 I found that I had more energy and was a bit faster today.  I saw a girl that was far ahead of me and I kept getting closer and closer to her and almost caught up to her at the top of the large hill near the end of my run, but she kept running straight while I had to make a left at the top.  While I was running I noticed I was getting more stomach cramps then I usually would get on a run and so I prayed to God to help me though it to get through the rest of the run.

 I heard in my head my voice of “You can do it Girl” and my husband’s voice of “I love you Honey! You are so strong.”  I heard what sounded like God’s voice saying to me, “Breathe through it.”  Then there was one that caught me off guard – God said to me “I Am Beautiful.”  Normally I would automatically discount that thought, as I felt I never really was, but somehow I let that one in unnoticed; likely as I was focused on running and listening to God’s positive thoughts to help me through the run.

 It wasn’t until after I got home all sweaty and was resting a bit on a chair when I realized...  wait, I had let the compliment ‘I Am Beautiful’ from God come into me.  It totally shocked me how something so subtle could affect me so much.  Suddenly I realized that phrase was like a tiny vaccine that was put in my heart and then ended up spreading throughout my whole body.  I realized because I let God’s truth in – it being whispered ever so softly – I accepted it to be true.  When I realized that it didn’t sting to hear the word ‘Beautiful’, or even that phrase ‘I Am Beautiful,’ I realized that God had actually met me on this run. 

 He was finally able to reach me when I wasn’t expecting it.  That is so me; I am so not the ‘put it in your face’ kind of truth, as that is too overwhelming for me.  He did it very subtly so that when I had time to think about it on my own it would click for me.  It is pretty cool when I see God doing things for people each in their own way. It really shows He cares about us.

 After all that when I was having a shower I was feeling amazing; truly happy.  I kept thanking God so much for doing this for me.  To honestly be able to feel beautiful and not feel guilty about it or for it to not be true brought me such joy.  I told myself I am saying “NO” to the ED.  I decided to choose to not let the ED take over again and let God to embrace me instead.

 I decided to call my husband and tell him all that had happen.  He was so happy for me! The crazy thing about all this is that he had been praying the previous day for me about how I seem so stuck in my issues and why would God not help me or intervene.  My husband felt that God needed to show His power to help me and also to help increase my faith so when this happened – God meeting me on my run – it was most definitely what both my husband and I needed to increase our faith.

 I really like this feeling of being able to accept the Love of God and accept I Am Beautiful and I didn’t want that to go away; so I felt in telling someone else – that being my husband – that it would help me stay accountable to those feelings.

 In all this crazy awesome day, I had been waiting a while to hear from God about what He wanted me to do in my life. That’s when He put it in my heart to write a blog; to help those that have and are going through the same things as me.

 It’s just so me being able to write like it’s a journal – helping people – and to do so in the comfort of my own home.  This is how this came about – me writing my first blog :D.

 Patricia   <3   :)

 

Psalm 139:14     I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.

  

Here’s a song about it being time for healing, and time to move on, and fix what’s been broken for too long, and to make right what has been wrong, and find my way where I belong.  There may be chaos, but somehow there is peace, and to just surrender it all to our Lord.

 

“Something Heavenly” by Sanctus Real

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULAM5MNpIEo&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=107