Birthday Post

 


On November 23, 2015 after my birthday I was thinking that I find for myself that celebrating my birthday isn’t always that easy, which included commemorating myself and my life.  I have to admit that I don’t always feel up for that.  On the other hand I have always since I can remember cared about others.  I felt like I wanted to embrace the caring side of me so for the past few birthdays I have started doing something for someone else on my birthday.  For example this past birthday I helped pack Christmas toys for less fortunate kids.  While I was doing the packing I became excited about what the perfect toy would be for a child in need.  As I stopped focusing on myself and started focusing on others I noticed that I felt better about myself.

As the day went on I started to fall back into my negative pattern of thinking, so instead of embracing myself on my birthday I ended up breaking down and crying.  I have struggled with my emotions and tried to keep them in, so when tears started coming down all I wanted to do was turn them off.  My husband was amazing; he let me cry and see that tears are a good thing as not everyone is able to cry.  I know that to be true, as I hadn’t been able to cry for many years.

Oddly enough in my tear stricken voice I was able to explain to my hubby what was getting me so down, and in being able to talk about my struggles to someone I trust I started to notice I didn’t feel so overwhelmed.

My husband only wanted to help me feel better – especially since it was my birthday –  so I let him do that.  He made me one of my favourite meals – ‘triangles’ – which is pancake batter made in a triangle sandwich grill with brown sugar and cinnamon added in the middle of the pocket.  As if that weren’t tasty enough he even added chocolate and peanut butter chips in the middle of some of them.  I felt sooooo special.  Man, did it ever taste yummy! :D

When it came to opening my present from my husband it ended up being one of the best gifts I had ever received.  I received the full series of one of my favourite TV shows – Smallville – on DVD.  That alone made it a best gift; but what really made the difference was that it wasn’t only from my husband, but 6 other friends and family members had contributed to it.  My husband had orchestrated having them contribute to the gift with the thought that I might be more accepting of it if it weren’t only from one person, since it was an expensive gift.  I’ve had difficulty in the past receiving expensive gifts as my beliefs about myself tend to cause me to reject them.

When I found out what he had done and who was involved in the gift – oh wow – I could not keep the tears in.  I just let them flow as they washed over my face.  This time I didn’t get embarrassed by them.  I was so overwhelmed by the love I felt from all of them. It amazed me that all these people would care so much to want to make this birthday special for me.

It really made my day; what had started off as a hard birthday, ended up being one of my best birthdays.  I realized that when I let others love me and celebrate me, I was able to celebrate myself as well.  I am still a work-in-progress, but aren’t we all?  Even as I write this post, it’s so amazing to see that while I am writing this for others to read and reflect upon, I actually start to see myself in a different light.  I think that’s God’s way of reaching out to me and telling me that – yes – it’s great I care for others, but more importantly it’s ok to care about myself and not feel bad about that.

So I guess I have to admit it, I am ImportantJ.                        

 

Patricia <3 J


1 John 4:16   So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

 

Here’s a song about feeling so alone, and feeling stuck for so long, and asking God to be there, and asking to watch over you forever, and to take your heart and show that you love us.  To remember that even in your own struggles that He does hear our voice and what we are feeling.

That even when you are slipping, and feel like you are drowning, that He is there to jump in and save you.


“Forever” by Fireflight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fk5W1l3U-8&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=108

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