Pearce the Heart

  I decided that I would write about My 40 th Birthday Celebrations that were from Nov.9 to my Actual Birthday on Nov.11, 2025. I started my 40 th Birthday Celebration at my Mom’s place.   I normally have a lot of anxiety, but I was feeling more calm at that time.   It was good to see some of my family with of course my hubby there too.   It was 2 days early from my Birthday and we ended up having our first snow fall, which I appreciated as I like snow.    It was like an early Birthday Present from Elohim (God).   I went for a walk with my Mom and Sister and we even saw snow on the leaves of the trees, which was pretty as normally in November the leaves would have been gone by now.   So it was pretty cool to see the snow with the leaves. After we got back to my Mom’s place the rest of the family played card games, which was fun.   It felt so good to feel happy.   Then after eating a wonderful supper my mom made it was time for...

  On Nov.3, 2025 I connected with my newer female counsellor and she helped me figure out Tools to help me work through my Emotions. I have to admit that I often feel so alone in my Mental Struggles with my Anxiety and Depression that plague me so much.   So she suggested I find a childhood stuff animal that I could hold onto to not feel so alone.   So I found an old stuff animal, Bonnie Bunny, and I could just cry, and know that she would be there for me and I could talk to her and she would listen with no judgement.   Another thing I often use is a Blanket that I put over my legs, as strangely enough I feel my anxiety the most in my legs.   Having that over me not only keeps me warm as I am often cold, but it also calms me, as I rub my legs and use the Kitty Blanket I got from my sister to calm me down.     I told me counselor it may seem strange having my anxiety strongest in my legs, and she said that makes sense as I often want to run away i...

  I know it’s been awhile since I last wrote a post, but I had an Unexpected Peace from Elohim (God) come to me on Nov. 2, 2025, which I felt I needed to write this important post about it. I have been super struggling with my anxiety, depression, and obsessions that go through my head and body.   It has caused me to find it hard to feel for people, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear.   I get so anxious and feel it throughout my whole body and mind.   I feel scared all the time, and even when people try to help me, I often don’t accept it, as I feel so trapped that I can’t even let someone help me. Even encouraging messages can turn me off, I try to accept them, but they often don’t penetrate me as the darkness is often stronger. With all that I have found it hard to connect with Elohim (God) even though I want Him so badly.   I admit I don’t pray much as I find it hard to do much of anything.   I just wonder where is He. I’ve...

  This is my 200 th post, and on January 24, 2025 I ended up having a pretty funny dream.  Hehe, earlier in the night I dreamed my hubby came out and saying “ Pants 👖 😃 ” , and I'm like yes you have them, And again he said “Pants my Love 🥰👖😁 ”. And I said again yup you have Pants. And then I think the song with Stevie Wonder was playing “I just came to say how much I love you 🥰 .” And with all of that it made me laugh 😄🙂 and smile so I didn't want to forget about it, so I messaged my hubby about it while I remembered, and then I went back to sleep 😴😉 . So when I got up later and my hubby saw me, the first thing He said to me is Pants 👖 😃. I really felt like Elohim (God) was saying to me I see that you have been struggling so much mentally everyday with your anxiety and depression, as well as you gut stuff, and I just wanted to make you smile and laugh, so you can hold onto that and see that your life is still worth living even in these very difficult ti...

  I decided to write this short post on Dec. 3, 2024, it’s been awhile since I wrote any newer posts as I haven’t been in the right mindset to do so.   My mental struggles have been really strong, and I often barley can get through the day. I just don’t feel like the same person I used to be, I know there is a caring part of me, but it just seems to be lost inside of me, so that even though I want to help people, that need is gone when I am so very focused on my own struggles constantly. But when I was just so lost, and trying anything to calm down, I got a reminder in my head of when my previous counsellor from years ago she mentioned to count to 10, and try not to think of anything else.   I tried it at first when I couldn’t sleep and surprisingly it helped me more than I expected.   For the most part I tend to sleep pretty easily, but there are times when my mind just keeps racing about my food obsessions, or how the day will be tomorrow, if I can get throug...

  On July 25, 2024 I decided to write about an important post about some things that came up during counselling. I was asking for healing from Yeshua (Jesus) & Elohim (God) with the Gut pain and any issues that may be the root cause of it. When I thought about that I felt that I said I feel scared all the time.   My counsellor asked what I felt when I was scared.   I said of Being Alone, Being Trapped with my emotions, being punished for being weak. Then he asked what are the emotions that are scary to be trapped with? I said Fear, Anxiety, Despair - Hopelessness. He asked me what I am afraid of and I said of dying alone, and I put that feeling 8 out of 10.   Then he asked where do you feel it in your body, I said my chest. Then he asked if there was any other fears, and I said Fear of living and not being able to handle it. -That’s when I had an overwhelmed feeling - connected to the 10 year old – of being scared of my dad and thinking life will nev...